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This topic has moved here: Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?
  • Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?
Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?


Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
Ugh. She emailed again. The adoption agency is involved. Apparently she has told them that she thinks we can solve all her life's problems. Whatever that means...

I doubt you'll take offense from this, but she sounds like a nut job.

  • 01.06.2013 8:56 AM PDT

Posted by: The Kangol Kid
It was then that I decided he really is like semen(everywhere) and I gave up on life.


zoobkillerninja <3


Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
Do we have any responsibility to her beyond what the law and our agreement with the adoption agency states?
Hell no.

  • 01.06.2013 8:59 AM PDT
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The Dildacts say the child might blame you if its mother dies broke, starving and miserable in the streets because you denied her money. But other than that The Dildact sees no responsibility.

  • 01.06.2013 9:01 AM PDT

None? Since when should you pay for her at all, you taking her child doesn't warrant payment or she wouldn't give him/her away.

  • 01.06.2013 9:02 AM PDT
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I wouldn't pay her. I'm already giving her hundreds of thousands of dollars by raising her child.

  • 01.06.2013 9:04 AM PDT
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Well, here we are. I guess that it was destined to come to this.

All 3 adoptions in my family (my mom, one of my sisters, and myself) were through a state adoption agency and there was no contact or awareness (in either direction) of any of the parties involved. The agency was the only entity who knew the players and were obligated by law not to release the information of one to the other.

I would imagine how prior knowledge and contact with the parties could easily messy, awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't have any advice other than I wish that you had been able to get into an arrangement that was less.... complicated.

  • 01.06.2013 9:04 AM PDT

Posted by: A sweet noob
Ah, the internet. Where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI.

Depending on how much money she is asking for, I dont think that you are a bad person for not giving money, but I think it would be a nice thing to do, assuming she doesnt want like $10K.

  • 01.06.2013 9:04 AM PDT

"I'm giving you my baby to raise. Give me money."

She sounds like a terrible person.

  • 01.06.2013 9:04 AM PDT

I wouldn't risk any ugly legal issues and seriously consider choosing to not adopt from her and just backing out completely, even if it meant the previous payments made were for nothing.

But that is only what I would do.

  • 01.06.2013 9:06 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

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Posted by: Recon Number 54
All 3 adoptions in my family (my mom, one of my sisters, and myself) were through a state adoption agency and there was no contact or awareness (in either direction) of any of the parties involved. The agency was the only entity who knew the players and were obligated by law not to release the information of one to the other.

I would imagine how prior knowledge and contact with the parties could easily messy, awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't have any advice other than I wish that you had been able to get into an arrangement that was less.... complicated.


We're using a state agency, but completely closed adoptions aren't that common. We created a special email address that's monitored by the agency.

  • 01.06.2013 9:06 AM PDT

"Moooooooo"
-Ghost cow

No, it's not worth potentially being arrested for human trafficking(I think someone mentioned this earlier).

  • 01.06.2013 9:06 AM PDT


Posted by: Xx idunno xX
but I think it would be a nice thing to do, assuming she doesnt want like $10K.


I don't, it seems like she's selling her child to solve her problems.

  • 01.06.2013 9:06 AM PDT


Posted by: Mind Reaper 771
Does she list the reason why she needs the money, exactly?

But I'd say you shouldn't risk the kid over something like this. It might not feel right, but you just have to look at it from that perspective.

  • 01.06.2013 9:06 AM PDT


Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie

Posted by: Recon Number 54
All 3 adoptions in my family (my mom, one of my sisters, and myself) were through a state adoption agency and there was no contact or awareness (in either direction) of any of the parties involved. The agency was the only entity who knew the players and were obligated by law not to release the information of one to the other.

I would imagine how prior knowledge and contact with the parties could easily messy, awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't have any advice other than I wish that you had been able to get into an arrangement that was less.... complicated.


We're using a state agency, but completely closed adoptions aren't that common. We created a special email address that's monitored by the agency.


Oh so she doesn't know where you live etc?

  • 01.06.2013 9:07 AM PDT
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Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
I am talking morally, not legally.

Morally?

No.

Sure, she's in a bad position and it hurts because you want to help her, but if she's game to try and ask for money from the people adopting the child she can't afford, then the only way to help her would be to not give her anything.

Cut the addict off from the drug.

[Edited on 01.06.2013 9:08 AM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 9:08 AM PDT

ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY CHROME.

You have the responsibility of raising a child that another person could not do. You do not have the responsibility to financially support the mother of that child. That is her own problem and she needs to deal with it however she can.

  • 01.06.2013 9:09 AM PDT

I know my ways. So just stay back.

Tell her you can either adopt without pay, or to find a new family to adopt to because buying a baby is illegal.

  • 01.06.2013 9:09 AM PDT
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All that is needed for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

First of all, congrats on adopting.

I know you said you wanted the moral answer, but the moral thing to do is also illegal. Putting her kid up for adoption is already saving her a ton of money, and I think she might be squeezing as much money as she can out of you before its too late.

  • 01.06.2013 9:10 AM PDT

Major props to my hommie Sheeef. He made Recon possible for me. Long time recovering emails and passwords. And it was his. lol.

If she is directly "selling" the child to you, it's dangerous. You would need to go through an adoption agency. That way papers and documents are rightfully filled out. That way you don't have to worry about OH WHAT'S THIS MAIL? THE BRITH MOM IS SUEING US? or DEMANDING MORE MONEY?

Yah just see if she will go through an adoption agency bro.

  • 01.06.2013 9:12 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: Binman59

Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie

Posted by: Recon Number 54
All 3 adoptions in my family (my mom, one of my sisters, and myself) were through a state adoption agency and there was no contact or awareness (in either direction) of any of the parties involved. The agency was the only entity who knew the players and were obligated by law not to release the information of one to the other.

I would imagine how prior knowledge and contact with the parties could easily messy, awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't have any advice other than I wish that you had been able to get into an arrangement that was less.... complicated.


We're using a state agency, but completely closed adoptions aren't that common. We created a special email address that's monitored by the agency.


Oh so she doesn't know where you live etc?
oh no.

You guys know more about me than she does. The agency bottlenecks our communications and info to prevent fraud and to protect both sides.

  • 01.06.2013 9:12 AM PDT
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Well, here we are. I guess that it was destined to come to this.


Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie

Posted by: Recon Number 54
All 3 adoptions in my family (my mom, one of my sisters, and myself) were through a state adoption agency and there was no contact or awareness (in either direction) of any of the parties involved. The agency was the only entity who knew the players and were obligated by law not to release the information of one to the other.

I would imagine how prior knowledge and contact with the parties could easily messy, awkward and uncomfortable.

I don't have any advice other than I wish that you had been able to get into an arrangement that was less.... complicated.


We're using a state agency, but completely closed adoptions aren't that common. We created a special email address that's monitored by the agency.

It still seems to me that by allowing this sort of prior (and likely ongoing) contact, you are not going to have any real chance of raising this child as their sole parents and the birth parents are now, and appear likely to persist in injecting themselves and their claims of standing and entitlement into the life of you, your family and the child.

If this is a state agency, then they should have protocols, standards and been exposed to and already through anything from the smoothest to the most tragic and awkward situations and be able to respond and control this situation. If they are not establishing themselves as the mediators, I would be having all sorts of alarm bells going off that by adopting the child, you are also adopting their parent and siblings.

That's not adoption, that is a forced addition of others into your family.

  • 01.06.2013 9:14 AM PDT

"I actually don't hold a grudge against someone talking trash about me if they're shot afterwards, I try to rise above that "

Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

If you want to take a different perspective, you are raising a child (which you will be spending money for in the long term) which the original mother will not.

You are already technically helping her out by agreeing to raise the child (I don't mean to make this offensive, but it seems that way) from a from a life with potentially no future to a life with a better chance of a future.

It seems like she is trying to do a "guilt trip" of some sorts...though it seems like a necessary one, as you make her out to be almost poverty stricken.

That's just how I see it, and I do apologize for any offence taken.

  • 01.06.2013 9:14 AM PDT