- Recon Number 54
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Well, here we are. I guess that it was destined to come to this.
Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
Posted by: Recon Number 54
All 3 adoptions in my family (my mom, one of my sisters, and myself) were through a state adoption agency and there was no contact or awareness (in either direction) of any of the parties involved. The agency was the only entity who knew the players and were obligated by law not to release the information of one to the other.
I would imagine how prior knowledge and contact with the parties could easily messy, awkward and uncomfortable.
I don't have any advice other than I wish that you had been able to get into an arrangement that was less.... complicated.
We're using a state agency, but completely closed adoptions aren't that common. We created a special email address that's monitored by the agency.
It still seems to me that by allowing this sort of prior (and likely ongoing) contact, you are not going to have any real chance of raising this child as their sole parents and the birth parents are now, and appear likely to persist in injecting themselves and their claims of standing and entitlement into the life of you, your family and the child.
If this is a state agency, then they should have protocols, standards and been exposed to and already through anything from the smoothest to the most tragic and awkward situations and be able to respond and control this situation. If they are not establishing themselves as the mediators, I would be having all sorts of alarm bells going off that by adopting the child, you are also adopting their parent and siblings.
That's not adoption, that is a forced addition of others into your family.