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This topic has moved here: Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?
  • Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?
Subject: A bit of an adult question. What responsibility do I have?

I'd 'donate' some to her if she really needs it.

  • 01.06.2013 11:01 AM PDT

Proud member of the Herd

No.

No no no.

Chuck? Charlie? Charles?

No.

  • 01.06.2013 11:01 AM PDT

"There's a very fine line between not listening, and not caring. I'd like to think that I walk that line every day."

Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
What we are wrestling with is if we have any responsibility beyond what we've already done. Do we have any responsibility to our child's siblings.
I don't really think so.

Besides, when he (I believe you said boy?) grows up, of course he'll probably wonder (assuming he'll know he's adopted, and he'd have to be incredibly sheltered to not know) or give thought at least about his biological mother and siblings he may or may not have (should he not know for sure. Whether he has biological family, I mean).

The way I see it, they won't really be his siblings. Biologically they're family, yes, but bloodline and biology (in my opinion, at least) isn't incredibly important in what makes a family a family.

I don't think you'd have any responsibility in this regard, except to raise your child knowing what being adopted means to him, or at least raising your him with good values.

That's not to say you should be like, "you're our son not theirs", he might one day want to meet his biology family or something. I dunno, I think there's not really a good way to predict these sort of stuff. Family's complicated, y'know?

[Edited on 01.06.2013 11:02 AM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 11:01 AM PDT
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Morality? You're already going to raise her kid for her. You have NO OBLIGATION to help her at all, but you already are tremendously and that's very admirable. Don't you dare feel bad, and trust me, I really don't like you that much, this is just really kind of you though.

  • 01.06.2013 11:04 AM PDT

If the woman can't get out of that situation herself, and was dumb enough to have a baby while in that situation, then she doesn't deserve handouts.

  • 01.06.2013 11:04 AM PDT

OP, she's obviously taking advantage of a delicate situation. Render unto Caesar, that which is Caesar's, and obey the law. That law is there to keep this kind of thing from happening.

  • 01.06.2013 11:07 AM PDT
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Posted by: the omega man117
If the woman can't get out of that situation herself, and was dumb enough to have a baby while in that situation, then she doesn't deserve handouts.


The sad reality. When you have sex you are forming a contract and acknowledge the possibility of having a kid and (should) be ready to take care of one. If not, they are incredibly selfish or their parents have seriously been lacking.

  • 01.06.2013 11:10 AM PDT

If you can read this, that means I'm not a Shaolin monk...

yet.

buyin people are we

  • 01.06.2013 11:19 AM PDT

Don't do it OP. If she really needs the money, she can ask someone closer. You are raising the child she birthed. You've already done more than she could have asked for.

  • 01.06.2013 11:27 AM PDT

"They don't call him Flopper for nothing"-AquaBlader


Posted by: SafariTK
I don't think it is morally right for her to ask for money when she knows it is illegal.

  • 01.06.2013 11:27 AM PDT

A competitive players main goal is to win.
A casuals main goal is to have fun regardless of whether that results in a win or loss.
It has nothing to do with individual skill or knowledge, it has to do with the reason you play.


Posted by: SafariTK
I don't think it is morally right for her to ask for money when she knows it is illegal.

  • 01.06.2013 11:30 AM PDT
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Don't give her anything!

  • 01.06.2013 11:30 AM PDT

Stop banning me please.

Don't give to takers. Give to givers.

Good luck with your adoption and kid.

[Edited on 01.06.2013 12:14 PM PST]

  • 01.06.2013 11:33 AM PDT
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Roll with the hits, not under them.

No, you can't have it. But thanks for asking!

Morality:

You are not responsible for the child's biological siblings. End of story. Regardless of blood, the child you are adopting is YOURS. You are responsible for that child. The line ends there. This woman is being highly unethical in approaching you this way, and you should not feel any guilt or obligation towards her or her other children. You did not put her in the current situation. She made her own adult choices, and she should be held accountable for them. You are an adoptive parent of a child, not an adoptive parent of a family. If you were to adopt the other siblings, it would be different, but as it stands now, there is absolutely ZERO normal human moral obligation towards the other siblings. If you choose to feel sentimental towards them, that's different than a moral obligation. As it is now, your moral obligation is to NOT offer her any money, as that would negate the terms of your adoption, thereby failing your obligation towards the one child in this mess that IS your moral responsibility.

For the record, I am a parent, and I am from a family that has traditionally relied on adoption to pass the torch from generation to generation. My heart goes out to you for being stuck in such a horrible situation.

  • 01.06.2013 11:34 AM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: BaghdadBean
Morality:

You are not responsible for the child's biological siblings. End of story. Regardless of blood, the child you are adopting is YOURS. You are responsible for that child. The line ends there. This woman is being highly unethical in approaching you this way, and you should not feel any guilt or obligation towards her or her other children. You did not put her in the current situation. She made her own adult choices, and she should be held accountable for them. You are an adoptive parent of a child, not an adoptive parent of a family. If you were to adopt the other siblings, it would be different, but as it stands now, there is absolutely ZERO normal human moral obligation towards the other siblings. If you choose to feel sentimental towards them, that's different than a moral obligation. As it is now, your moral obligation is to NOT offer her any money, as that would negate the terms of your adoption, thereby failing your obligation towards the one child in this mess that IS your moral responsibility.

For the record, I am a parent, and I am from a family that has traditionally relied on adoption to pass the torch from generation to generation. My heart goes out to you for being stuck in such a horrible situation.



That is the best advice I've received so far, even from family members. Thank you.

The part that is saddest about this, is that because of this incident we have decided to pass on any contact from her from birth until he is an adult, and that our estate will be held in trust until he's 25. I don't want her to even have the ability to manipulate him should something bad befall Mrs Charlie and me.

  • 01.06.2013 1:12 PM PDT


Posted by: SafariTK
I don't think it is morally right for her to ask for money when she knows it is illegal.

  • 01.06.2013 1:30 PM PDT

I like shorts. They're comfy and easy to wear.

I certainly don't think you're morally obligated to help her. I can understand that you're worried she might pull out if you don't, but then you've also got to worry about jeopardizing the adoption by breaking the law. It's kind of a difficult situation.

I think talking to the agency about it, as you're planning to, is really all you can do.

I hope things work out.

  • 01.06.2013 1:32 PM PDT

I acknowledge my user name is stupid. However, I promise I'm not.

Disclaimer: The latter is a lie.

None. You have no responsibility to her at all.

  • 01.06.2013 1:36 PM PDT
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Writer's Corner
6/15/2011 11:39 PM: bobcast [2597260] issued a 3 day ban expiring on 6/18/2011 11:39 PM.
Reason: A Bungie.net Forum Moderator has banned you for violating the code of conduct and/or rules of the forum in the thread below
http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=61704535
Inappropriate. Went a little to far with the butt hole tearing.

How much is it costing you to adopt?

  • 01.06.2013 1:37 PM PDT

Play. Forge. Film.

Not at all your responsibility.

  • 01.06.2013 1:37 PM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: petitminou
How much is it costing you to adopt?

A lot. We will be paying off the loans for a long time.

  • 01.06.2013 1:38 PM PDT
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Charlie you are just one big troll. You come to the flood making up story's about your fake life because you can't handle the one you live right now because it sucks so bad. My guess is that you are 15-16 with no friends and lousy parents.

  • 01.06.2013 1:39 PM PDT
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Writer's Corner
6/15/2011 11:39 PM: bobcast [2597260] issued a 3 day ban expiring on 6/18/2011 11:39 PM.
Reason: A Bungie.net Forum Moderator has banned you for violating the code of conduct and/or rules of the forum in the thread below
http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=61704535
Inappropriate. Went a little to far with the butt hole tearing.


Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie

Posted by: petitminou
How much is it costing you to adopt?

A lot. We will be paying off the loans for a long time.


I figured as much.

How much is the mother asking for? $1000?

  • 01.06.2013 1:40 PM PDT

Posted by:ScubaToaster
Posted by: HipiO7
This man, this man right here put it so eloquently that I actually cancelled my own 2000+ word long post.
/slow clap for respect


:)
The person who said participating is important, not winning, obviously never won anything.

Posted by: grey101
Clearly buying a human isn't morally correct.


The past 2500 years of human history would like a word with you.

lel

  • 01.06.2013 1:40 PM PDT

Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.

Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith


Posted by: petitminou

Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie

Posted by: petitminou
How much is it costing you to adopt?

A lot. We will be paying off the loans for a long time.


I figured as much.

How much is the mother asking for? $1000?
About $9,000 or so.

  • 01.06.2013 1:41 PM PDT