- MyNameIsCharlie
- |
- Fabled Mythic Member
Studies show that men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do my best to eat hotdogs in under 6, just so things don't get weird.
Please allow me to introduce Myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
Posted by: Recon Number 54
Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
Posted by: Recon Number 54
Posted by: MyNameIsCharlie
Recon, the agency didn't put is in this position. The birth mom did. The agency said we can't even pay her directly. What we are wrestling with is if we have any responsibility beyond what we've already done. Do we have any responsibility to our child's siblings.Sorry, but I disagree. By allowing private communications between the parties, they allowed an atmosphere where one party could say something that allows the other party to feel as if they are being coerced, blackmailed, or otherwise required to act outside of the pre-agreed conditions of the adoption.
IMO, both parties should have agreed and the agency should have suggested, that all interparty communications should not only go through the agency, but the agency would view those communications for appropriateness and legality.
Seriously, in a way, you guys are feeling "sort of blackmailed", aren't you? Don't sugar coat it, don't spin it, you are wondering if the baby or its health is being held hostage, yes or no?We are. And we discussed this last night.
In the agency's defense, the email address used to send us stuff is monitored, and they told us not to pay her within hours of her asking. The law states that they can't limit her communication with us. They can only scrub out stuff like last names, addresses and such. But if she wants us to hear something, she has aright to say it.
Then dude, I would take all of it down, store it and hide it so that the child has little chance of ever seeing it, and not reply with anything other than what the terms of the adoption agreement require.
If you want, and this is a middle-of-the-road compromise, respond to the bio-mother that you are grateful for the effort and perseverance that it has taken so far and you appreciate that she wants to make sure that the baby and she are as healthy as possible for the birth. That you are under the impression the agency is taking care of her (and the baby's) needs, but to thank her for the additional effort, AFTER the birth, when the baby is healthy and in your arms, you would consider paying her a bonus for her extra consideration and care to herself and the unborn child.
However, your offer is a one-time offer, non-negotiable, and if she accepts, no further conversations along these lines. If other attempts are made to elicit more money or compensation, then the "bonus" offer is then withdrawn.
In other words, you take her blackmail and you leverage it into insurance and a dangled carrot.
Well, as far as that goes, even if we wanted to give her money, we can't. Both the law and our contract with the agency prohibit this. I don't believe we can even give her a Push Gift, as that could be taken as a form of payment.
So, she won't and can't see a dime without it first passing through the agency's hands, and then being assigned to a specific cost related to the health or birth of the baby.
You are right though, it does feel like a hostage situation a bit. But we couldn't pay her anyways.
But you don't feel we owe anything to our son's brothers and sisters? I know we aren't adopting her whole family, but those other kids are our sons biological brothers and sisters.