Halo 3 Forum
This topic has moved here: Subject: Public Service announcment
  • Subject: Public Service announcment
Subject: Public Service announcment
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This is a public service announcement from an unseen force of terrible power.

We are the forgotten warriors of Relic. We are the valiant guard of Camp Froman. We are the oncoming storm; We are the Black team.

For years we have watched from the darkness. We have observed your petty squabble with dismay and disgust, each day growing more and more tired of your war. Our infantry had entered in disguise for both squads time and time again, and failed in their quest to end your tired conflict. We have bore witness to every major battle between your pathetic tribes and we have always been victorious in our infiltrations.

No more.

The Black Team waited patiently for your fight to fizzle and fade, but to no avail. You have endurance to match your stupidity. We have decided that the only way to bring about peace is through war. The Black Team will rise and burn your civilizations to the ground, bringing about a new age of mad props and skills, in that order. Our mission is simple – Stop Halo 3.

We will rise up in two locations; Seattle (USA) and Brighton (UK).

In Brighton, our armed elite guard will capture and kidnap Martin O'Donnell, renounced sorcerer and do-er of the nasty. He will be taken in a convoy to a safe house on the edge of Brighton, where he will be tortured in various horrible manners, including torture. He will be tied up and The Black Teams worst singers will entertain him with their sonorous tunes, and if these mad rhymes are not implemented into the Halo 3 soundtrack immediately, Mr. O’Donnell’s loved ones will be tied up in the same room as him and forced to listen to our unbearably untalented ‘musicians’ play and sing, and if he still fails to comply, his loved ones loved ones will be subjected to the same torture, and so on.

Meanwhile, in Seattle, Joseph Staten will be kidnapped by a taskforce and deposited in a small box, along with a small notebook PC. This box will then be put into the trunk of a car. The car will drive into and around the American south west, and in this time Joseph Staten will be tasked with writing the Halo 3 script – But to the Black Teams very specific commands.

1. The phrase “Oh no he ditn’t” must be used at least once in every cinematic sequence. For example…

Cortana: Truth is planning to activate the ark!
Chief: Oh no he ditn’t!

2. Every scene must end with an integral character to the plot dying of natural causes.
3. The letters ‘W’, ‘U’, ‘P’, and ‘M’ must under no circumstances be utilized.

If the script is not completed within three weeks – for the duration of which Mr. Staten will be given nothing to drink or eat – the box will be thrown into a river, and then the river will be thrown into the sun, and then the sun will be thrown into a large box that will then be thrown into a river.

Elsewhere, a tactical squad of camouflaged ninjas will be in disguise in a Seattle Starbucks. Upon the entry of a disgruntled Scotsman named Frank O’ Connor, they will put a loose fitting sack over him and drag him to a Californian Condo – I stress that he will be dragged the entire way. There he will be made to draw pictures of Mister Chief over and over again for six days and – after this period – he must begin work building Halo 3 from scratch, only in the artistic style of Mister Chief. If he refuses, the entire world stock of Haggis will be held ransom, and a famous bagpipe musician will be shot in the hour, every hour. For eight hours.

Hao Chen will be kidnapped and made to re-programme Halo 3’s single player campaign. Instead of the usual, FPS style, Halo fans have come accustomed to, the new single player campaign will be the retro version of geometry wars, but the Chiefs face as your own ship and grunts/elites faces as enemy ships.

Finally, Alta Hartmann – or the Bungie princess, as she is more commonly known – will be made to play Halo 2 matchmaking until she issues a press release saying that Halo 3 is being made as a 3rd person sim game, where Cortana, Master Chief, Sergeant Johnson and Gravemind all have to live together in a small shed.

A number of further, secret measures will be adopted to ensure Halo 3 is a poor game and leads to the peace between the red and blue team, but the Black team feel that’s all you need to know about for now.

  • 07.17.2006 4:23 PM PDT
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huh?

  • 07.17.2006 4:27 PM PDT
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. . . . .see this?. . . .this is me not laughing

  • 07.17.2006 4:29 PM PDT

I like to knit sweaters.....and by knit I mean PUNCH....and by sweaters I mean babies.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Evil One can kill him and take it.

You're wierd !

  • 07.17.2006 4:30 PM PDT
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Wow... and you spent how long typing that for?

  • 07.17.2006 4:31 PM PDT
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Dude...you're one screwed up guy.

  • 07.17.2006 4:32 PM PDT

Wow you must be really bored

  • 07.17.2006 4:32 PM PDT
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I spat at your Public Service Announcement. *hawwk-too!*(spits at thread).

  • 07.17.2006 4:33 PM PDT