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This topic has moved here: Subject: The Amazing, Respawning Sergeant Johnson! A Halo Com-Fic.
  • Subject: The Amazing, Respawning Sergeant Johnson! A Halo Com-Fic.
Subject: The Amazing, Respawning Sergeant Johnson! A Halo Com-Fic.

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Prologue

*Johnson, Chief and marines are fighting. Johnson kills grunt*
Johnson: Take THAT!
Grunt: Catch this!
*plasma grenade sticks to Johnson*
Johnson: Oh GOD! Get it OFF!
*boom*
Johnson: YAAAAHHHHH!
Chief: What the hell? I thought he couldn't die!
Mendoza: That's Halo 2.
Chief: Dammit!

  • 07.29.2006 3:19 PM PDT

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Chapter I

*on Pillar of Autumn, Johnson runs up to the Chief*
Chief: Johnson?! You died!
Johnson: Uhh, no, I'm... uhhh... Jimson.
Chief: No you aren't.
Johnson: Okay, okay! I'm Johnson, dammit! You happy now?
Chief: Thought so.
Johnson: Besides, I'm not supposed to die until the Flood show up!
Chief: The what?
Johnson: Nothing! Um, look a jackal!
Chief: Jackals don't board ships!
*elite backhands Johnson, and he dies*
Cheif: Well, that should solve a lot of confusion.
*door opens and Johnson runs out*
Johnson: Let's hit 'em!
Chief: What the hell?! You just died!
Johnson: No I didn't! I'm right here!
*mysterious explosion kills Johnson and all the marines*
Chief: Well, okay, whatever. Let's get to the lifeboat.

  • 07.29.2006 3:20 PM PDT

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Chapter II

*Chief runs to first lifeboat crash, Johnson runs up to him*
Johnson: It's a mess, sir. We're scattered all over this valley.
Chief: Where the-- How are you here?
Johnson: What the hell are you talking about, Chief?
Chief: I just saw you die like two or threee times on the Pillar of Autumn.
Marine: The Autumn! SHE'S BEEN HIT!
Chief: Shut up!
Johnson: I don't know what you're talking about, son!
Mendoza: He's gone loco!
Chief: God, no one listens!
Marine: Heads up! I've got a Covenant dropship headin' in! Over here!
Chief: Kill him! Kill Johnson!
*500 needles go in Johnson, he explodes*
Mendoza: He'll be back.
*Chief beats Mendoza to the ground with his MA5B*
Chief: Okay, calm down. There's our warthog. Let's just go find the other survivors.

  • 07.29.2006 3:21 PM PDT

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Chapter III

*Chief reaches rockslide*
Johnson: We could use your help, sir!
Chief: Oh, damn it! Why me?!
Johnson: Damn, Chief, what's your problem? Why you so freaked out by me?
Chief: You don't stay dead! You die, and you come back like ten minutes later!
Johnson: You're crazy, man!
Chief: I'll show you crazy!
*Chief whips out a rocket launcher and kills all the marines*
Chief: Foe Hammer, I need you to pick me up!
Cortana: We need to go to the Truth and Reconcilliation to rescue the captain.
Chief: And get the hell away from Johnson.

  • 07.29.2006 3:22 PM PDT

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Chapter IV

*at desert plateau under T&R*
Johnson: There's a gravity lift that ferries troops and supplies between the ship and the surface!
Chief: JohnSON!
*they get out, Johnson's not there*
Chief: Okay, then.
*later, at grav lift*
Cortana: We've reached the grav lift and are ready for reinforcements!
*pelican drops down, Stacker gets out*
Chief: Oh, god, John--Stacker?
Stacker: What, you've never seen a sergeant that isn't Johnson before?
Chief: Honestly, no I haven't!
Stacker: Oh! Really? Damn. I feel sorry for you.
*they go in the grav lift, and enter the ship*
Johnson: We could use your help, sir!
Chief: Johnson?! But you weren't--You were--Where's Stacker?
Johnson: Stacker? Bah, you must have lost it!
Chief: But you don't die, you always come back, Stacker was there, and now it's you!
Johnson: We've got company!
Chief: Okay, just ignore him.
*later, when the Chief and the captain return to the bridge, Johnson's dead*
Chief: Thank GOD. He's dead.
Keyes: Let's get out of here.
Chief: Yes, SIR.

  • 07.29.2006 3:23 PM PDT

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Chapter V

*on the beaches of the cartographer island*
Johnson: Chief, we need your help!
Chief: NO! Why are you here?! You were killed by an elite! Hell, this isn't even your level!
Johnson: Heh, It'd take more than an elite to take down Sergent A.J. Johnson!
Chief: A.J.? Your name's AJ?
Johnson: Hell no! That's a girl's name! My name is Avery!
Chief: Johnson, Avery is a girl's name.
Johnson: No it ain't.
Chief: Yes it is.
Johnson: No it ain't.
Chief: Yes.
Johnson: No.
Chief: That's besides the point! The point is--
*Chief snaps Johnson's neck*
Chipps Dubbo: What the hell?!
Chief: This isn't your level either!
Marine who needs losenge voice: What?
Chief: No! None of you are supposed to be here!
Chipps: He's gone crazy!
Chief: I swear to god, if we get to the control room, I'm going to activate it.
Cortana: You just gave away a plot point, stupid!
Chief: Oh, son of a--

  • 07.29.2006 3:24 PM PDT

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Chapter VI

*near control room, on bridge*
Johnson: This is Fire team Zulu requesting immediate asssitance from any UNSC forces!
*long pause*
Chief: I need a sniper rifle.
*down by scorpion*
Chief: Heh heh heh! Now's the time! Johnson, prepare to die!
*Chief gets in scorpion, blows Johnson up several times*
Johnson: YEEEAAAAHHHHHH!!!
*at control room*
Johnson: Good to see you, Chief! Let's activate this thing!
Chief: You aren't even supposed to be here-- Screw it.
*Chief pushes Johnson off balcony, and he falls to his "death"*

  • 07.29.2006 3:25 PM PDT

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Chapter VII

*in swamp, in flood facility, watching helmet cam*
Johnson: This stuff is your history!
Chief: GOD! I can't get away!
*Chief takes out chip, snaps it in half, throws it on ground, stomps it*
*later, the Chief reaches the top for extraction*
Johnson: We could use your help, sir!
Chief: Oh my -blam!-ing GOD!
Johnson: I'm not that pretty!
Chief: Wh-Bu-Yu-Do-You were killed by the Covenant!
Johnson: It would take more than that to stop Sgt. A.J. Johnson!
Chief: I saw you get killed by the flood!
Johnson: It would take more than that circus freak show to stop Sgt. A.J. Johnson!
Chief: Hell, I killed you!
Johnson: It would take more than a stupid Spartan to stop Sgt. A.J. Johnson!
*the Chief is madder than hell*
Johnson: Oh, Sorry. I bet that hit hard. Heh, hello? Take off your helmet, I wanna see if you're pissed or not.
*Chief blows off Johnson's head with shotgun, is kidnapped by Guilty Spark*

  • 07.29.2006 3:26 PM PDT

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Chapter VIII

*after everything, the Chief blows up the Autumn, and flys off in a longsword, looks out window to see--*
Johnson: This is it, baby. Hold me.
*they hug, Chief's longsword swoops in, splatters them both, flys off*
*later, after rescuing survivors, Johnson walks out, Chief points pistol at his head*
Chief: Okay, I am sick of you, and your will to relive! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't pull this trigger!
Johnson: It would take more than that circus freak show to stop Sgt. A.J.--
*Chief shoots pistol, Johnson falls dead*
Chief: HA! I DID IT!

  • 07.29.2006 4:26 PM PDT

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Chapter IX

*in Halo 2, in armory*
Gunns: Take cover and wait for the meter to read fully charged.
*door opens, Johnson walks out*
Johnson: That, or he can hided behind me!
Chief: NOOOOOOO!
*Chief runs over, grabs shotgun, shoots Johnson in the head, nothing happens*
Johnson: Ow.
Chief: What the hell?
Gunns: He's in god mode in Halo 2, remember?
Chief: YYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
*Chief takes shotgun, shoots himself in the head, dies*
Johnson: Oh, get up man, you've had worse!
*Chief spawns in heaven*
Chief: I did it! I'm dead! I'm in heaven! And I'm finally, at long last away from--
Johnson's ghost: Hey, Chief!
Chief: What the f--
*Chief turns around to see about fifty Johnsons all around him*
Chief: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The End.

(OR IS IT?)

  • 07.29.2006 4:28 PM PDT
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha hahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahaahaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

  • 07.31.2006 7:19 AM PDT

Niiiiiiice.. It is true tho...

  • 07.31.2006 8:34 AM PDT
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Yeah it's true and that made me laugh till my eyes watered good job do something else like that I'd read it.

  • 07.31.2006 8:59 PM PDT

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Posted by: blademaster321
Yeah it's true and that made me laugh till my eyes watered good job do something else like that I'd read it.


Are you serious? Thanks!

  • 08.01.2006 12:52 AM PDT
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well done

  • 08.01.2006 3:04 AM PDT