- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Posted by: BobBQ
On March 13th, 1998, Chuck Norris walked into a bar on the southern end of Manhattan island. He entered in a manner worthy of his most famous movies, roundhouse kicking the door off its hinges and clear into the back of the building. Nobody dared complain.
A few patrons glanced in his direction as the legendary karate master slid onto the nearest unoccupied barstool and ordered a large drink that has never been conclusively identified. He ignored them, and they soon went back to minding their own business.
All was going well until the man on the next stool over sneezed. His muttered apology was enough for the other patrons, but Chuck was pissed. The sneeze, you see, had knocked over his drink. While the drink sizzled and ate through the top of the bar, Chuck stood up and politely asked the man to pay for a replacement drink.
The man sized him up and made an offer: he would pay for the drink if he could survive one of Chuck's famous roundhouse kicks. Chuck accepted, stepped back and let fly.
The man sneezed again.
Chuck's foot went clear over his head and hit the man sitting on the opposite side of his stool. The poor bastard flew clear down the whole length of the bar, taking sundry drinks with him, as the first man stood up and walked towards the door. His trench coat flapped in the breeze as he made his way down the street and disappeared into an alley.
Based on his display of skill, that man was later hired to be a forum moderator for a large software company in Washington state. The man Chuck had accidentally struck was also hired, on account of his being the only human in living history to take a Norris kick to the head and survive.
Chuck ended up paying for both the drink and the ankle he had sprained. He was so shaken by his experience that he later found religion and one-upped Christ by turning water into beer.
Just Another Fan is much better now; they took the neck brace off last month and he should be able to wean himself off the painkillers soon.
I, on the other hand, have yet to find a truly effective cold medication. If anyone knows where I can find a good one, preferably millitary grade, please let me know as soon as possible.
And, of course, the beating by a wet noodle. I still want to know how, and sometimes I wish I was one, I just do.
[Edited on 8/1/2006]