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  • Subject: Halo: Unggoy Evolved (Fan-Fic)
Subject: Halo: Unggoy Evolved (Fan-Fic)

Posted by: Sludgee
Posted by: Rare_Spartan
Posted by: Uberdawg
LOL @ "Fox, get this guy off me!"

Parody FTW.

Would you kindly parody Gears of War, while you're at it? :D
Gears of War? Mass Effect? It's always the good games with you, isn't it? >:( Besides, if I included The Cole Train, those grunts would be dead in, like, a millisecond.

And Sludgee, how'd you know? :O


But, but, good games are good!

Know what?
That it was not Bomberman, of course!

By the way, I aplogise for my explicit laziness in getting a chapter out the door on time. This Friday's, however, brings great promise. Loads of text and many a joke.

  • 02.19.2008 7:15 PM PDT

He watches every Hodgetwin video they put up...on ALL their channels. He calls them the Hodge Triplets, and considers himself the 3rd triplet. He's started talking and acting like them now. Every other line out of his mouth "Thaaas some BULLLLLL**** maaayne" or "Gotta make dem gainzzzz". He calls his biceps "gains". When he eats post-workout, he talks to his biceps, "Don't worry gains, I'm feeding you. Daddys gonna feed you, gainz *kisses biceps*".

Gosh, Rare, hurry your slow butt up!

<_<

Seriously though, we need MO' CHAPPAHZ!

  • 02.24.2008 8:49 PM PDT

Wow, just, Wow. this is getting realy weird. Another great chapter Rare.

  • 02.25.2008 2:28 PM PDT

Posted by: Uberdawg
Gosh, Rare, hurry your slow butt up!

<_<

Seriously though, we need MO' CHAPPAHZ!
I concur! >:O

(Warning:This chapter contains spoilers for games that are not Halo 3.....specifically, BioShock and Call of Duty 4; grunts and all.)

Chapter 18: The Cremdelacrap

The Grunt Sergeant opened his eyes, lying in a patch of dark green grass. He lifted his head upward, a large, ominous cloud hovering over him. Coupled with bare trees and dismembered power lines, this canvas was a complete hell hole.
When the Unggoy stood up, he found that his body was covered with a foliagelike material. It was as if he had just stepped out of a mound of leaves- as if he actually become one with nature. Pah, to think I was that unoriginal?
"Too much radiation. We'll have to go 'round." whispered a thick, Scottish accent. The Grunt Sergeant looked forward, and saw a man, who appeared to be covered in the same outfit as he.
"Follow me." the man said, "There's pockets of radiation all over this area. You absorb too much, you're a dead man."
"Erm, if you don't mind me askin', fella- who are you?" the Unggoy asked.
"Don't be silly, lad. It's me- Captain MacMillan."
"Oh, right. How stupid of me." the Grunt Sergeant responded actingly, "Hey, do you know where we are?" MacMillan stared at the Sergeant for a brief three seconds (who was completely unrecognizable through his camouflage, as was the Captain), turned around, and moved forward without any response. The grunt, feeling somewhat irritated, followed the soldier until stopping behind the window of a relatively small house.
"Hold up!" MacMillan ordered, pulling both the Grunt Sergeant and himself below the window. The Grunt Sergeant, still holding his needler (which was also covered in the "foliagelike material"), peaked through the window, only to find two men standing by a flight of stairs. The Captain grabbed the Grunt Sergeant by his shoulder, pulling him back to a crouching position.
"Don't. Even. Think about it."

Fisca turned to his left and retrieved the miniature radio, latching it onto his shoulder plate.
"Listen, this place is gonna self-destruct in just a matter of minutes! Get in there and whack the chump before the whole joint blows!" said the man through the radio. He too had a thick, Scottish accent (though I doubt there's any relation between him and Captain MacMillan). Fisca, unable to use his voice for whatever reason, exited the dark chamber, and entered a slightly less darkened room, with a small, red light flashing from the top of the ceiling.
The Unggoy pressed onward, until he was halted by a glass wall.
"The assassin has overcome my final defense. And now, he has come to murder me." said the man from the other side of the wall. This person appeared to be wearing a brown, leather suit. His black hair was almost completely flat, and the golf club in his hands could do a real number on poor Fisca.
"In the end," the man continued, "What seperates a man from a slave? Money? Power? No. A man chooses, a slave obeys. You think you have memories- a Covenant, a squad, an Ark, and then this place. Was there really a squad? Did that monitor send you here, or were you sent here by something less than a man, bred to sleepwalk through life until they are activated by a simple phrase, spoken by their kindly master? Mas a man sent to kill, or a slave? A man chooses, a slave obeys."
The man turned to his right, and opened the door to Fisca's left. The Unggoy stepped through the door, but was stopped by the tuxedo-wearing bloke.
"A man chooses." he said yet again, handing Fisca his golf club, "A slave obeys.
"Kill!"
The man being so tall, and Fisca so short, the golf club was lunged straight into Andrew Ryan's (the man!) groin. With that, he was down on his knees, squeeling the phrase, "A man chooses, a slave obeys!". Fisca striked a second time in the exact same place, causing Ryan to faint completely.
"Hurry now!" barked the man on the shortwave radio, "Grab Ryan's genetic key! Now, would you kindly put it in that damn machine?!"
Fisca reached into the "sleeping" man's pocket, and reached for a small, golden card. The Unggoy ran out of the chamber, and through the door to his right, where an enormous, piano-looking structure stood. Fisca slid the card into the slot at the front of the mechanical beast, causing the rumbling of the floor to cease.
The man on the radio sighed, then said, "Nice work, bo- what the?" Within the next two seconds, the only sound coming from Fisca's radio was a faint wail. Less than ten seconds later, the connection with the Unggoy and the unknown voice was cut off.
Just then, the door behind him burst open, revealing over a dozen Flood soldiers, infection and combat forms alike.
"Sinner!"

  • 02.26.2008 3:37 PM PDT
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Yeah . . . I never played Bioshock either.

Lololololololol.

The CoD4 stuff I got though, if only because I have watched
people play it.

  • 02.26.2008 5:33 PM PDT

Posted by: Sludgee
Yeah . . . I never played Bioshock either.

Lololololololol.

The CoD4 stuff I got though, if only because I have watched
people play it.



Same here. Played CoD4 but not BioShock.

  • 02.26.2008 9:00 PM PDT

~Silent Avenger~

I will stand by and hold on to the only thing I know true The Assassins

Ahh, finally another great chapter to read.

  • 02.29.2008 8:15 AM PDT

Thanks for the feedback, fellas, despite my nods of disapproval towards Sludgee and Mr. Back for not playing BioShock. :P

As I'm pretty sure I said earlier, I apologise for the lack of Updates. Rare's dealing with some personal issues, and can't come to the phone right now. ;) I'll do my best, however, to get the next chapter out by Friday.

-Rarez

[Edited on 03.04.2008 9:30 PM PST]

  • 03.04.2008 9:29 PM PDT
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Whew! Finally I read all the chapters! I finally got caught up! I laughed at the Mario part

  • 03.05.2008 11:59 AM PDT

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the Universe."

arent the gold-armored ones called Zealots?just trying to help.

  • 03.05.2008 2:41 PM PDT
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Dude thats a tight story i write storys like that 2 i have a book at my house like that its mixed with Halo, Lord of the Ring, Harry Potter, Dragon Ball Z Bioshock, Assians Creed, all that crap

  • 03.05.2008 3:56 PM PDT

___.............._______/```````````````:::--...
|.==,-.~;. ____:._______ __’__’__’_ _ _\=
|................--:---:--:--‘---:,, ,,, ,,, ,,,:---: /=
`-.,.__._._,,...---:::"
Truth and Reconciliation , Halo Infinities , Council of the Rising

what the beep?

  • 03.08.2008 10:47 AM PDT
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Posted by: blackke7995
what the beep?


Sometimes it's better to not understand.

This, is one of those times.

  • 03.08.2008 6:39 PM PDT

Chapter 19: My Birth Certificate Says Otherwise

"Follow me." MacMillan said, sliding the ghillie-suited Grunt Sergeant across the left side of the house. Standing just ahead of the duo was a man garbed in an extremely worn-down outfit.
"Tango by the car." whispered the Captain, "Take 'im out quietly, or just let 'im pass. Your call."
The Unggoy looked at the man for a brief two seconds, then at his needler.
"Hey, err....Could I see your sniper rifle for a second?" he asked.
"Sure thing, laddie. But be careful- It's a feisty lil' devil." Captain MacMillan replied, handing the Grunt Sergeant his gun. The Unggoy, finding it difficult to aim the weapon forward due to its massive size as opposed to the weapons he usually wields, fired the weapon, only able to fire the man's hat off.
"Damn." MacMillan barked, "Give me that!"
The Captain yanked the sniper rifle from the Sergeant's hand, aimed straight forward, and knocked the enemy out with a shot to the forehead.
"Now that's how it's done. This way, hurry." The two sprang forward, making a safe distance past the house.
"Hit the deck!" exclaimed MacMillan, falling into the tall grass; the Grunt Sergeant followed.
"We've got a lookout in the church tower." the Scottish Captain whispered, "And a patrol comin' from the north."
Maybe I'll be able to hit 'im with one of these. the Grunt Sergeant thought, as he then proceeded in tossing a plasma grenade upward, towards the tower.
"My God, lad! What was that?!" MacMillan shouted, alerting the patrol. Just then, however, conditions went from bad to worse, as a familiar figure began sailing through the air, casting a large shadow over the entire area.
"High Charity?" the Grunt Sergeant asked himself, staring at the former Covenant ship.
"Nevermind that!" the Captain shouted with a slight sense of uncertainty, "We've got dogs in the tall grass!"
The Grunt Sergeant looked backward, although it was only Captain MacMillan that noticed a strange illness the dogs' appearance. Their skin bore a yellow-green coating, with nearly all of their hair gone. Ontop of that, their faces seemed completely distorted. As if High Charity's arrival was not enough of a signal, these canines were infected by the Flood.
"Argh, what is this crap, Resident bloody Evil?" the human shouted, taking out his shotgun.
Wait, Captain MacMillan with a shotgun? Yeah, that's what I said too.

Two minutes later, both the Grunt Sergeant and Fisca found themselves back inside of the "Globe Room" with 360 RingO'Fire.
"Sarge, am I glad to see you!" Fisca shouted, "What the heck's goin' on here?"
"I honestly have no idea. But I'm sure as hell glad to be back here."
"Hurry, you two!" RingO'Fire exclaimed, "We must leave this section of the installation immediately!"
"Wait- where's Pillow?" the Grunt Sergeant asked.
"He wasn't with me." Fisca said, "Was he-"
"No." the Grunt Sergeant quickly replied, "RingO'Fire, you need to send us back in there."
"I am sorry, but that is impossible. The globe has suffered too much damage since the Flood's arrival. Now, we must leave!"
The monitor buzzed forward, and out of the chamber, with the two Unggoy following just behind him. The three of them sped up the main staircase as fast as they could. Quickly, they reached the top of the floor, which was also the top of the castle itself. The sky was purple, with the ground practically littered with Flood "soldiers".
"Alright, let's get ourselves a vehicle, and we're set." the Grunt Sergeant said.
"How about that?" asked Fisca, pointing towards the white, bowl-shaped aircraft by the castle's edge (the face of which was painted with a clownlike smile).
"Looks good enough." the Grunt Sergeant replied, "Let's go."
And just like that, the trio leaped into the aircraft, which was extremely crowded. The Sergeant examined the relatively limited controls, with a large, red button saying "Fly!" placed in the very middle of the console. The Unggoy pushed the button in with both of his hands, lifting the aircraft off of the ground, and into the ill-faded sunset.
Now, maybe we can get back to Chrille and Piggyback.

  • 03.08.2008 9:49 PM PDT
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They escape in a cereal bowl?

  • 03.09.2008 6:45 PM PDT

Posted by: Sludgee
They escape in a cereal bowl?
Right. This, of course, ties into the Candy Land parody in Chapter 20. ;)

  • 03.09.2008 8:16 PM PDT

~Silent Avenger~

I will stand by and hold on to the only thing I know true The Assassins

Hmm I wonder what was in that bowl before they used it to escape.

  • 03.10.2008 2:53 PM PDT

Just Chill, everything is going to be okay. Just don't rush.

Maybe some sort of Cereal of Fruit

  • 03.10.2008 3:02 PM PDT

Thanks for reading, everybody.

Right now, I'm not sure yet as to when the next chapter'll be out the door. Rare's not doin' too well, and is currently being held at one o' them hospitals (I can has laptop). However, I'll try post it as soon as I can. Have a nice remainder of the week, all. ;)

-Rarez

[Edited on 03.12.2008 6:09 PM PDT]

  • 03.12.2008 6:08 PM PDT
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Ok, we will be waiting for ya, seeya man.

  • 03.13.2008 10:29 AM PDT

He watches every Hodgetwin video they put up...on ALL their channels. He calls them the Hodge Triplets, and considers himself the 3rd triplet. He's started talking and acting like them now. Every other line out of his mouth "Thaaas some BULLLLLL**** maaayne" or "Gotta make dem gainzzzz". He calls his biceps "gains". When he eats post-workout, he talks to his biceps, "Don't worry gains, I'm feeding you. Daddys gonna feed you, gainz *kisses biceps*".

Phew, can't wait fo' mo'! Nice chapter...

And guys, Rare wanted me to tell you all that he and I have been discussing a sort of joint fanfiction (I once wrote one way back in the day myself, so I've got some experience). It would be a humorous Halo-Call of Duty crossover, as we have it drawn up now, and would largely center on Captain MacMillan's exploits within the Halo Universe. Exploits you probably didn't know about, because MacMillan is the shadow of a ghost under a rock at midnight beneath cloud cover with cloaking and a ghillie suit with the strength of 10,000 men with enormous warhammers and eight Warsaw Pact armored divisions.

Can't wait to get it started. In the mean time, it's Unggoy Evolved, which also is gud.

  • 03.14.2008 9:36 PM PDT

Chapter 20: Chapter 14 2.0

"Alright, Unggoy," the Prophet of Edumacation said calmly, "Back to the methane suite." This in turn sent each of the two-dozen grunts stampeding down the back corridor, from where Piggyback, Chrille, and their Huragok companion had just previously entered.
"So, what are we supposed to do now?" Piggyback asked, leaning against the wall left of the back hallway.
"Whatcha mean?" Chrille asked, "We find Hackle!"
"Not gonna be easy, lass. This place is full of our kind. Finding Hackle will be finding a needle in a-"
Just then, Piggyback received a tap on the shoulder. The Unggoy turned backward, only to find Fattest of Asses chirping his silly tune. He then motioned <You're looking for an Unggoy?>
Piggyback sighed, motioning the word "Yes".
<A name might help.>
<Hackle?>
<As I'm sure you're no doubt aware, Hackle a a very common name amongst Unggoy.> the Huragok signed, <Perhaps with the verification of a surname, I could->
Piggyback slapped himself in the face, turning towards Chrille.
"Well?" asked the female grunt.
"What's Hackle's last name?" Piggyback said frustratingly. Chrille gave him the name, and Piggyback then motioned, <Hackle T. Jackle>
The Huragok paused. After a brief-if not awkward-silence, however, he then waved both of his front tentacles forward, motioning the signal to "follow".

Little Sparky re-entered High Charity's "throne room" once again, peaking into the damp, dark pit that was the elevator shaft of the city's council chamber.
"My lord?" Sparky asked uneasily. It was for another fifteen seconds until he received a response.
"Oh, my! Sparky, is that you?" the Gravemind's voice echoed from the lower level of the shaft.
"Yes, your highness!" Little Sparky exclaimed, "I was wondering what-"
The entire chamber began to shake, as the Flood's governing intelligence bursted to the upper level of the (former) elevator shaft, taking up a large portion of the throne room itself.
"Yes, deary, what do you want?" it asked.
"Um, yes. Well," Sparky stuttered, "I was just wondering what we planned on doing once we arrived at this Ark?"
"By what do you mean, little one? We do what we always do- consume all, leaving no sentient being untouched. You know the drill, yo!"
"What I mean is," explained Little Sparky, "Why are we going there, and not somewhere more....Y'know, somewhere closer?"
"We've been through this before, darling. I've got a date." the Gravemind answered, leaving Sparky with nothing more than a sigh.

<Here we are.> Fattest of Asses said to Piggyback.
<Thanks, mate.> the Unggoy signed, as the three of them entered the doorway (which was at the far end of the corridor opposite to the one they entered).
The chamber was chrome- very chrome. It featured a large, spiderweb-shaped window at the far end of the room. And sitting at the desk just next to the window was the Unggoy they'd been looking for for one half of this awesome, though pointless fan-fiction.
"Oh, good morning." Hackle said, lifting his head up to see the three of them.
"Erm, excuse me?" Chrille asked.
"Make yourselves at home. There's some Gimpvey in the fridge."

  • 03.19.2008 12:37 AM PDT
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Lol, yet another akward moment for sparky.

  • 03.19.2008 8:12 AM PDT

Join the best group of all time Last Refuge!

Posted by: KidWitPotential
ya know, im proud to be an inverted player, its like we're a rare breed or something


Do NOT send me Recruitment Letters, doing so will get you blocked faster than you can say "Huh?"

lol, nice job.

  • 03.19.2008 12:51 PM PDT
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o_0

Now they can . . . do something else.

  • 03.19.2008 4:55 PM PDT