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The history of Soffish and the Webmaster eh?
This story begins in Latveria. Soffish was the only child of a poor an absorbent material manufacturer and a real fish. He always dreamed of a better life, but so far, he was going nowhere fast. He longed for some excitement. And one day, he stumbled onto an adventure...
Matt Soell was in Latveria on vacation. He was touring the flats on an anonymous Latverian town, when he came across a band of street preform. They were doing their usual routine, handstands, some pantomime, and a little accordion accompanying it all.
Well, Mat was so enamored with this display, he actually passed out and fell limp into the street. Everyone saw him fall, but no one did anything to help him. Eventually, a semi came hurtling down the windy narrow street, right towards poor passed out Matt. Still, no one tried to help him.
Just as the truck was about 30 meters from crushing Matt, he was saved by a plush multi-colored fish and a giant blue dog. They pulled poor Matt out of the way just before the wheels of the semi bounced off of the curb where Matt was lying. They slapped him a few times to wake him up, which he did after a minute or two.
When he came too, he asked the fish and the blue dog what had happened. They told him what they had done, and he was very grateful. So much so he actually gave them a million American dollars, to split between each other.
Then they all went back on their way. Matt went back to America, and the fish and the blue dog went back to their respective day labor jobs.
Everyone asked Matt how his trip had went back at the studio. And he told them about the near death experience he had, and of his unusual saviors. The webmaster just happened to be in the studio listening to Matt's story. He was sober enough to understand Matt's words, and was curious about the strange creatures Matt had been saved by. He quickly strapped on his jetpack, and made a b-line straight toward Latveria, in order to find these strange creatures. He wondered what the weather was like in Latveria, and wondered if he would need a hat (He didn't have his trademark yellow cowboy hat yet)
When he arrived, he stopped in every bar he could find. He would drink all the exotic alcohol these bars had to offer, and enquired about the multi-colored fish and the giant blue dog.
One day, a bar patron he asked about the creatures told him actually knew both of the creatures he was looking for. He told the Webmaster about their recent financial gain, and the aftermath. It seemed that the blue dog had lost all his money at the dog tracks, and was now missing, possibly due to his outstanding debts. But the fish, he was fine and well, living with his parents a few towns over.
The Webmaster quickly flew to the town the bar patron had told him about. He found the multi colored fish at his small quaint house. When he asked the fish if he remembered the American he had saved, the fish instantly knew who he was talking about.
The fish told the WM is name, Soffish, and of his water retaining qualities. The webmaster thanked Soffish for saving Matt. Then he went deeper into Soffishe's water retaining abilities. He asked the fish if he could absorb any liquid, to which he replied in a heavy Latverian accent "Yes, I absorb anything that be liquid."
The WM then concocted a plan. He would try to soak the fish in alcohol, and carry him around as another emergency booze supply. Soffish agreed to this, being that he had always craved adventure. He was curious. And the WM had the keys to his freedom.
But, Soffishes parents disagreed to his leaving with the WM. They didn't know what HTML was, but they assumed a research mission involving HTML was too dangerous. The WM accepted their qualms, but quickly hatched a plan to trick Soffish's parents into allowing him to leave.
He commissioned Soffish's dad to create a huge cowboy hat, made of an absorbant foam, so he could hide Soffish inside it when he left. Well, the hat was quickly made to his specifications, and sold to the WM. He hid Soffish inside it, and left Latveria.
On day while continuing their HTML research mission, the WM had accidently crashed into Liquid Nitrogen plant, spilling the cold substance all over his hat. He had drunk all the alcohol that Soffish had absorbed the night before, so any other liquid that touched Soffish was immediately absorbed. When the WM came too, his hat was in pieces, and Soffish was no where to be seen. He searched the surrounding country side, but to no avail.
He returned to Soffish's parents, and told them of the tragedy that had befallen their son. He then asked them to make him another hat, which they did. He then left and returned to America, and told everyone in the studio about his little adventure with Soffish.
Being still grateful to Soffish for saving Matt, and spending time with the WM (they were happy he was gone) the began searching for poor little Soffish.
That leads us up to know. Bungie is still looking for Soffish. The WM is drunk. He himself has turned up missing, but that's nothing new. And Soffish is nowhere to be found.
Nothing was gained, and everything was lost.