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  • Subject: How to raise hell at mcdonalds [continued]
Subject: How to raise hell at mcdonalds [continued]
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  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

THE INQUIRING CUSTOMER

McDonald's managers pride themselves in knowing the answers,
and employees like to pretend that they do. So, on a busy day, keep
asking dumb questions... Here are a few to ask... Oh, never actually
order anything... just hold up the line with your questions. Here are
a few questions to ask:

- "How is your meat prepared at the factory?"
- "What part of the chicken does the McNugget come from?"
- "Who was the BigMac named after?"
- "What is the post-cooked weight of your quarter pounder?"
- "Where does your <pick a vegetable> come from?"
- "How fresh is your <McD product>?"
- "What is the square root of 69.666?"
- "What is the nutritional value of a 9 piece McNugget box?"


Maybe we should kick things up a bit?

DRIVE-THRU FUN

McDonald's videos tell the employees that the Drive Thru makes
up for more than 40% of the average McDonald's business. Simply put,
this system needs a lot of work. The speakers rarely work, and you
usually get your order screwed up. The first thing to do is to take
your car and back over the cut square in the pavement right beside
the order sign several times. This causes a loud annoying "bong" to
be heard by everyone with a headset... eventually the manager will
come out with a weapon, and this is where you leave.

Another thing to do is to drive up, and say, "I just want a lot
of butter..." or "I'd like a large -blam!- to go please." Usually,
people in the drive thru service will laugh or screw something up,
and you will get yelled at by the manager... waaah.

hotter? sure... not like their food is ever hot anyways!

aight! here:
If you happen across a McDonald's that is expecting deliveries, or has
cleaned the parking lot, you will notice traffic cones. You can move these
cones around the drive-thru sign. Some people are stupid and will drive thru them anyway, so you may want to place a sign saying "DRIVE THRU CLOSED - - SORRY - MANAGEMENT." You can also place a legitimate order at the drive thru and right after your order, you can put a sign on the drive-thru sign saying the same "closed" message. The drive thru sensor does not sense foot traffic, so you can walk up to the sign and put one there...

OK, now for the main coarse... yum..
If you have a simple shortwave transceiver, Ham Radio, or powerful
handheld transceiver, you can talk to the entire drive-thru crew.
The antenna is located above the cashier in the drive-thru box and has
a receiving radius of the entire store and about half of the parking lot.
You can add stuff to peoples orders, or just screw around. Drive thru
people have noticed that illegally powerful CB radios, side band radios
and even some car phones can be picked up with the headsets. Be innovative and use these to piss the employees off. If you do not have access to one, simply hide behind the sign, and shout extra food or obscenities at the sign...
Here we go, heres yer dessert...
GREASE DISPOSAL FUN
This next trick involves little or no intelligence, or imagination,
but seems to get people every time. Behind McDonald's, usually found next to trash cans or the empty soda-syrup containers, you will find a large drum marked "not-fit for human consumption" or "inedible contents."
Although these warnings belong in the food, they mark the grease vat. This is tightly sealed for a reason... it smells like dead human. They are also easy to open. Usually, you can loosen the ring around the top and open the lid. Be sure to cover your face when you do this... it does smell like -blam!-... The nice thing about this is that the smell will cover the entire
parking-lot area in roughly 10 minutes. Chemically, the smell will cause
nausea, and definitely a loss in appetite. People will get sick everywhere,
and definitely cause a loss of customers at McDonald's...
A simple addition to the previous trick would be to tip the can. The
grease will probably have hardened, but on a warm day or if the black
can is left in the sun, it will leave a sticky, raunchy mess in the
parking lot that will be impossible to clean up, and will stink infinitely.
This is a way to make the trick more damaging and longer lasting.
On with it shall we.
One thing that is not very well known is that McDonald's accepts phone
orders. This is a simple process. A serious, adult sounding voice can call
a local McDonald's and claim that they have a large order that they would like ready for pickup. You supply a BS phone number, a BS name, and a BS order. The larger it is the better. Usually give about a half an hour to an hour notice to have the order ready. Good reasons for the orders are usually family get- togethers, meetings at local universities, etc. The university excuses are much better, because you can supply a college phone number (found in the phone book) and if they call (the usually don't) to verify the order, they will get the office, and will think it's legitimate. This prank is a beauty because after the manager takes the order, it is given directly to the kitchen, who begins the order. Again, they very rarely verify the orders, so it is easy to pull these off. To make this prank better, you should throw in mass quantities of food items that people NEVER eat -- Filet O' "Fish", Fajitas, etc... You can also call them back at the time of pickup, and say "sorry, we decided to eat at burger king..." DO NOT enter the restaurant and ask to buy the items at a cheaper price, like the old pizza man trick... that's just lame.
Bastards...
BASTARDIZING FOOD ITEMS
If you want to attract a certain degree of attention to yourself, and
make employees and customers laugh, when you order food, -blam!- up the names
to say something cool... You'll still get the food you don't want, and this
too is a source of amusement. Spur-of-the-moment name bastardizations are
by far the funniest, but here are a few suggestions...
SHMEGMA MAC, SHMEGMA SACK - instead of Mega Mac (shmegma is Dick Cheese)
CHICKEN Mc-blam!-UPS - Chicken McNuggets (be sure to ask for the 69 piece)
McDICKEN - McChicken (ask for extra Mayo and smile...)
CHOKE - Coke (I'd like a small choke with no ice)
McRIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE - McRib... Do they still make this?
-blam!-INA - Fajita (I'd like a -blam!-INA with extra cheese...)
hehe, take a 2 minute break guys, get a pop...
ok... welcome back
Remember that McDonald's slogan is Food, Folks, and Fun...
Just take the "fun" part to the limit... You sort of have to compensate
for the -blam!- "folks" and the -blam!- "food."
If you get bored, start molesting kids on the
playland or just break -blam!-... throwing salt shakers (plastic or
glass) at the outside wall of the McDonald's is fun too... take
advantage of whatever there is in McDonald's... there are infinite
possibilities to create your local McDonald's an utter McHell. Don't
consider it illegal (most of it isn't...) consider it more of a
public service. Yeah... That's it.
P.S. DOnt forget to go andget some roaches, and let em lose in the kitchen... that = instant SHUT DOWN!
If you wanted to be REALLLLY creative, you could mix and match this, get a few friends to help, and make history in your town!

  • 10.31.2004 4:15 AM PDT