- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Like Shiv said, man, you're doing well for a thirteen year old, but everybody always needs improvement. Do some simple things, and your writing can go a lot further. Type it on Word first and just go back through and re-read it so you don't miss any glaring punctuality/spelling errors. Use the synonym feature of Word too, it gives writing more meat. You named Matthew too much in the piece. After the first couple of times, its clear who you're talking about. Once you've established the character focus more on his reelationship with his surroundings. And they're about 5 billion ways to say "said", I'm sure you can find a list online. Or just imagine the tone of the characters; angry, dissapointed, excited, etc. Finally, don't be afraid to throw in comma's cause every thing ever written uses commas. THey are essential because without them, you don't have the needed pauses to establish anticipation, breaks btw topics, and so forth.