MailSackalypse

by DeeJ - 12/14/2012

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It's with a heavy heart that we loosen the strings on this bundle of mail. The ocean of misinformation on the Internet is filled with ominous waves that foretell the end of times. If the prophecies buried in the Mayan calendar turn out to be more than poorly translated mirages, at this time next week, we’ll all be scurrying to outrun our own panicked demise. That means that his could be the very last Mail Sack to ever grace Bungie.net. Should the world come crashing to an end, it’s doubtful that our website will survive.

Let’s savor this moment, everyone. It’s time to open the Sack.  Perhaps for the last time...


THORSGOD What’s your personal hell?

Why are you asking? Is it because you also think that we’ll all be delivered there next week? I can’t face the music, yet. The Bungie Panel will have to answer this question…

Being bored.
Pat Jandro, Senior Cinematic Designer

A staring contest with a man who has no face.
Drew Smith, Producer

Being locked in a room with a net-terminal and only flakey, dial-up modem to keep me entertained.
Michael Williams, Senior Engineer

There’s only decaf.
Tom Slattery, Localization Content Manager

A room full of spiders.
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Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist

An eternal Monday morning staff meeting at a large government bureaucracy.
John Hopson, User Research Lead

Inflation outpacing market growth. Or running out of candy.
Leland Dantzler, Tester

Waiting.
Cameron Pinard, Artist

A world without Bungie.
Alex Loret de Mola, Engineer

A world without Your Mom.
Scott Kankelborg, Special Projects Assassin

Level 14, of course.
Ben Wommack, Production Engineer

My Little Pony.
Andy Howell, Matchmaking Test Lead

Youtube comments. Herp derp derp der herpy herp.
Chris Butcher, Senior Engineering Lead


xXIHAYD0IXx If you were given one standard United States Army Squad with all their organic materials (no artillery and air support) during the American Revolution, how and where would you use them to maximize their effectiveness?

Do you daydream about upsetting the balance of history with modern firepower, too? In this case, I’d post that squad of time travelers at the top of Bunker Hill and say “Standard orders are still in effect... Don’t fire ‘till you see the whites of their eyes.” Of course, with their high-definition optics, this range would be realized with a lot more room for them to breathe.

The limitations you’re imposing here do sort of limit the fun we could have. I mean, why not intercept the invasion army with a carrier group about a mile off the coast, as if to say “Wassup?”

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RighteousTyrant What alcoholic drink goes best with making games? And don't lie. I'm sure you've done it a time or two.

A Dark and Stormy.
Luke Ledwich, Test Engineer

It switches every project. For this game, the wheel of fortune seems to have landed on tequila.
Pat Jandro, Senior Cinematic Designer

Chilled Nigori Genshu sake, and I could use some now.
Michael Milota, Slovadomilotavitch

Anything that fits in a beer helmet.
Drew Smith, Producer

Home-brewed root beer. 1 proof, wooo!
Tom Sanocki, Staff Artist

We call it Blöödwine, but outside of these walls, it’s known as Rumplemintz. 100 proof of minty goodness.
Forrest Soderlind, Technical Artist

Beer for playtest. Whiskey for coding. Absinthe for crunch.
Christian Diefenbach, Engineering Lead

The free kind.
Chris Owens, Associate Test Engineer

Sake.
Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist

Yamakazi Single Malt Whiskey (12 years).
Troy McFarland, Motion Capture Lead

A Rum and coke; but have a Monster energy drink handy so you don’t get too sleepy.
Kevin Hart, Artist

Scotch: pretty much a required part of game development.
Cameron Pinard, Artist

Chimay Rouge, which has been known to show up in our beer fridge from time to time.
Joe Venzon, Engineer

Jameson.
Adam Williams, Artist

For me, that’d be Smirnoff Ice. I can hear you judging me, but it’s a tasty beverage!
Alex Loret de Mola, Engineer

Rainier beer mixed with 5 Hour Energy.
Stosh Steward, Web Designer

Bailey’s and Coffee.
Justin Truman, Engineering Lead

Mountain Dew.
Scott Kankelborg, Special Projects Assassin

Single malt scotch, neat, preferably as smoky as a fire pit.
Ben Wommack, Production Engineer

Bundaberg Over-Proof Rum.
Chris Butcher, Senior Engineering Lead

Beer is my go-to when working late hours. I try to stay away from harder stuff while I’m working. Working a 12 hour day with a hangover is a TERRIBLE idea - not that such things have ever happened to me.
Andy Howell, Matchmaking Test Lead


blizzera27 How many stars are in the universe?

“Billions and billions.” –Carl Sagan


All of humanity Who's your favorite Doctor?

Is this a census? Are you testing us? Because that never ends well…

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What say you, Bungie Panel? Is there a Doctor in the house?

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Daniel Hanson, Engineer

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Kevin Hart, Artist

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John Hopson, User Research Lead

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Andy Howell, Matchmaking Test Lead

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Scott Kankelborg, Special Projects Assassin

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Troy Mcfarland, Motion Capture Lead

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Michael Milota, Slovadomilotavitch

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Chris Owens, Associate Test Engineer

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David Shaw, Producer

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Drew Smith, Producer

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Forrest Soderlind, Technical Artist

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Christian Diefenbach, Engineering Lead

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Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist

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Joe Venzon, Engineer

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Michael Williams, Senior Engineer

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Adam Williams, Artist


gorocurt What are/is the only acceptable topping(s) on a hot dog?

According to the laws of Chicago, the birthplace of Bungie (and its Assistant to the Community Manager), a proper Hot Dog can be garnished with just about anything but ketchup.


catman6 What's the most exotic meat you've eaten?

Good question! If our civilization is reduced to rubble next week, we’ll probably have to revert to appetites that favor whatever we can catch in the wild. Hopefully, the Bungie Panel isn’t finicky…

Widgety Grub.
Luke Ledwich, Test Engineer

Sushi from a freshly caught salmon.
Michael Milota, Slovadomilotavitch

I ate buffalo once. I have since become vegetarian.
Drew Smith, Producer

Guniea Pig in Peru. It ended up being quite tasty.
Michael Williams, Senior Engineer

Jellyfish. Surprisingly crunchy!
Tom Sanocki, Staff Artist

I call a tie between camel and kangaroo. Your call.
Tom Slattery, Localization Content Manager

Rocky Mountain Oysters. Can’t say they were delectable, but they were better than the undercooked rattlesnake sausages I had, or the kangaroo burgers.
Forrest Soderlind, Technical Artist

An armadillo roast.
Christian Diefenbach, Engineering Lead

I have had Shark and Bear. I hope they didn’t eat a person, because that would inadvertently make me a cannibal.
Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist

A friend of mine makes a mean rattlesnake chili.
David Shaw, Senior Producer

Ants, covered in chocolate.
Andy Howell, Matchmaking Test Lead

Elk, venison, bear, shark. Take your pick.
Troy McFarland, Motion Capture Lead

Uncooked chicken. I suck at grilling.
Leland Dantzler, Tester

Ostrich, or maybe alligator.
Cameron Pinard, Artist

Grasshoppers count as meat, right?
Adam Williams, Artist

I’ve eaten Ostrich Jerky. It tastes like Chicken.
Justin Truman, Engineering Lead


SonOfTheShire Are you guys planning to see the Hobbit?

Way ahead of you, Halfling. “Planning” has been replaced with “planned.”

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StormFront If at first you don't succeed, _____________.

Nuke the site from orbit.
Luke Ledwich, Test Engineer

Lie, and say you did.
Pat Jandro, Senior Cinematic Designer

Reload.
Forrest Soderlind, Technical Artist

Burn down your opponent’s house.
Drew Smith, Producer

Talk to those who have succeeded. That, or build an army of robots.
Michael Williams, Senior Engineer

Stop trying and DO.
Chris Owens, Associate Test Engineer

Become an assassin and destroy all your enemies.
Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist

Stand behind the engineer’s desk until it’s fixed.
Ben Wommack, Production Engineer

Use short, controlled bursts.
David Shaw, Senior Producer

Blame your team and ragequit.
Leland Dantzler, Tester

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start.
Kevin Hart, Artist

Redefine the terms of success.
Cameron Pinard, Artist

Try your mom, I hear she’s much easier.
Scott Kankelborg, Special Projects Assassin


Violet Are there any Easter eggs from any of your previous games that we have yet to find?

Yep.


defnop552 What do you see?

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Interesting. It’s time for our psyche evaluation, everyone. Fall in, and write your entry into Rorschach’s journal…

A very long conversation.
Michael Milota, Slovadomilotavitch

Broodmother from Dota2.
Drew Smith, Producer

Two fancy gentlemen holding picnic baskets talking to one another in a park full of butterflies.
Michael Williams, Senior Engineer

Two bonobos locked in an uncomfortable stalemate, each wanting to bowl in the direction blocked by the other, and so left with no choice but to stand in silence beneath a pair of kidneys suspended like light bulbs from the ceiling above--the softly cast shadows of the organs a gruesome reminder of the stakes for those who would engage in this primal, bumper-free game.
Tom Slattery, Localization Content Manager

Two girls and one cup. A very big cup.
Christian Diefenbach, Engineering Lead

A cow on his way to becoming steak.
Josh Eash, Release Manager

Two bird-ladies bending over to pour water out of a jar. Their hearts are beating out of their chests because they love each other, even while their baby hatchlings fall from the nests behind them. But what does it mean?
Stephen Hodde, Senior Audio Designer

I see Rorschach, judging me.
Chris Owens, Associate Test Engineer

A tuxedo with a red bow tie or an alien rib cage.
Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist

Alien Tuxedo with a bowtie.
Kevin Hart, Artist

Two waiters putting dishes on a table.
Joe Venzon, Engineer

Two people who are very confused about how bowling works.
Alex Loret de Mola, Engineer

Two monkeys using fire magic.
Ben Wommack, Production Engineer

A person in the cold smiling.
Andy Howell, Matchmaking Test Lead


I ZEROC00L I What's your favorite YouTube channel?

What else did you think I was going to say to this?

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ultimatetornado How do you become a man?

Two boys enter. One man leaves.
Luke Ledwich, Test Engineer

Step 1: Grow a pair.
Step 2: Grow another.
Pat Jandro, Senior Cinematic Designer

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Michael Milota, Slovadomilotavitch

You’re not truly a man until you have written an app in assembly.
Michael Williams, Senior Engineer

A true man must know how to do seven things:
He must know how to use a sword.
He must know how to use a gun.
He must know how to read an ancient language.
He must know how to write code.
He must know how to ballroom dance.
He must know how to bake a pie.
He must know how to repair a helicopter engine.
Tom Sanocki, Staff Artist

It just happens. One moment you’re a boy in school, and the next you’re looking at pictures of yourself taken from above and realize you barely have any hair left. Before you know it, you’ve got coworkers telling you they were born in the ‘90s.
Tom Slattery, Localization Content Manager

Wear a pink shirt, and don’t give a -blam- what anyone has to say about it.
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Drew Smith, Producer

Wrap your steak with steak, before you eat your steak.
Forrest Soderlind, Technical Artist

Watch the Matrix Trilogy, the Star Wars trilogy, The Indiana Jones Trilogy, and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. No breaks. And if you say some of those are not trilogies, I’ll just ignore you.
Christian Diefenbach, Engineering Lead

The Klingon Rite of Ascension.
Chris Owens, Associate Test Engineer

Treat others with respect, especially those who have less power than you.
Leland Dantzler, Tester

Take care of those around you at your own expense.
Kevin Hart, Artist

Have kids.
Joe Venzon, Engineer

CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES, PAY YOUR OWN RENT, BUY YOUR OWN BEER!
Adam Williams, Artist

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Alex Loret de Mola, Engineer

I’ve initiated the rite of manhood at the bachelor party for one of my friends. Each attendee came up with their own ritual. He survived. That’s all I can say about it.
Troy McFarland, Motion Capture Lead

One will only attain true manhood when one realizes he never will. /zen
Ben Wommack, Production Engineer

When you have the tools to support yourself, then you are a man.
Andy Howell, Matchmaking Test Lead

Be as swift as a coursing river.
Have the force of a great typhoon.
Build the strength of a raging fire.
Be as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
Daniel Hanson, Engineer

Have at least one Y chromosome.
Justin Truman, Engineering Lead

Surgery.
Rachel Swavely, Associate Technical Artist


Mythical_Wolf Will we die next Friday?

We will not die – not as a global civilization, at least. I give you my promise. You see, this is a totally safe bet. If the world doesn’t come to an end, the Internet is left thinking “Wow, those Bungie guys know what’s up!” If we do get knocked down by some grand cataclysm in accordance with Mayan prophecy, you’ll hardly have the resources to tell us how very wrong we were. Thus, we’re taking an optimistic tack. Never mind the satire buried in the title of this Mail Sack. People who bet on the end of the world always lose. We shall return.

And you know we’ll have a good time then.