Average Joe - Lord Spanky

Not patient enough.

Lord Spanky has been patiently waiting for his turn in the Average Joe machine.  Well, I just flipped a lever, turned a dial, and we're gonna run this sucker through the ringer.  If you met him online and wanted to learn more about him (man, aren't you a glutton for punishment), strap in, buckle up, pull on a helmet, and get read to ride.  Or just read this interview.  Whatever.

Q. Who are you and what do you do?

A. My name is Shane, I'm 17, and I'm currently a Senior in High School. I live in Ohio, but if any of you want to find out the city I live in, you'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Which is a paradox, sort of, because you'd have to know where I was first in order to kill me in order to pull the information from my hands.

You see why I'm so deadly.

As for my hobbies, they are not many; the simple pleasures, really. I enjoy playing videogames, primarily with Bungie.net people on Bungie-produced games, I enjoy reading several Science Fiction and Fantasy novel series, I enjoy making theories on the Haloverse (that's right guys, check out that Universe Forum from time to time. I've got some interesting stuff in there…) and I enjoy talking with my girlfriend when the chance comes 'round, which is just about every day. Beyond that my life exists as a mundane reflection of the typical obligations of a Senior: homework, school, studying, failing to get enough sleep.

Q. Sleep is important.  Always remember to settle in at a decent hour.  Your mind and body will thank you.  How did you settle into your gamertag?

A. Oh hell. Alright, before we go anywhere, I would like to let everyone know, right now, that I am NOT a snake, nor is my name pronounced "Snake-y". It's actually "Snak-ie", due to some crazy/awesome English law or whatnot.

Now that that's out of the way, my name originated from way back in the day, 'round 8th or 9th grade, when myself and my friends were just wee lads. For some reason we got together and started making up words; I don't remember our exact motivation for this, but I can assure you all that we were under the influence of nothing more than caffeine. One of the new "words" was "Shnakie", but jmh9072, a previous Average Joe and one of my closer friends, mispronounced it "Snakie" the day or two before I made my first account. The first account was made as "Lord Shnakie", the correct pronunciation, but I promptly forgot the e-mail account attached to it and never used it again. The very next day, I used jmh's mispronunciation of "Snakie" to create this account name, and it's stuck with me for over three years now, also becoming my first (and only) gamertag.

The way I look at it, the origins were… odd, to say the least, but the outcome is a unique name that I've really carved out for myself, something that doesn't very easily get lost in all the clutter around it. For that, at least, I'm thankful.

Q. Now that we've got the name and the correct pronunciation, how 'bout telling us where you hang out when you visit Bungie.net and what in particular you like about this here place?

A. Hmm… what do I like in particular? Well, when I joined B.net back in '06, I was under pressure from jmh to participate in the big theory threads in the Halo 3 Forum. That was when I met my first big-shots, like ICEMAN ASSASS1N and opogjijijp, and when I got my first big taste of the theory scene, which is one I have continued to populate through my time on this site. I also learned quite a bit about game mechanics and creation from my early days in that forum, too, and gained a healthy… er… disrespect for the rules. I do believe that four out of my… well… six warnings came from pre-'08.

After making a few too many threads to do with a particular theory of mine and getting called a jackass by several users (by essentially making sure people saw it by creating "new" versions that had barely nothing different from the original, I won't deny it) I left the public forums in favor of the privates, where I joined some of my more memorable groups, such as the Council of Spartans (which has since died) and KOTOR, of which I am still a big part. My time posting only in Private Chapters continued for about a year, until I jumped back out to the forum scene in July of '08, at which point the big controversy about the E3/ODST news release was going on. I tried to help out a bit, but forgot to check the rules and posted in a recon thread, which landed me my first ban and an additional warning, which made me angry enough to actually forsake the Halo 3 Forum (like it was that forum's fault!) and travel elsewhere. Namely, the Community.

Ahh, the Community. As much as it's a center for thought-provoking discussion and site updates, it's a cesspit of elitism and repeat threads. Nevertheless, I have been posting there for well over a year now, and it's important to mention in my cycle of site travel (and growing maturity). The Community contributed to fixing my horrible arrogance problem, my writing style, and my thought processes. More than any other group or forum on the site, the Community has molded my mind into the Snakie that you see the words flowing from this day. But the Community isn't my favorite forum, not anymore… more like just the place where I post the most. A few months ago, with the introduction of the Bungie Universe forum, I've sort of… migrated, in a sense. A forum made entirely for theorists? I about died in ecstasy. That's where it's all at, at least for now.

Q. So, why gaming?

A. Gaming is a communal thing for me; I don't do it for the enjoyment a game itself brings, not unless I've got no choice. If I've got no internet, I play one of my single-player games. But, if I've got internet, I'm playing so I can hang out with friends and like-minded individuals. I may get on a single-player game, but I'll still be in a party with friends. It's just the way I am: I have to play with people if I have the option to, or at least talk to them. At the same time, though, the people I happen to have on my friends list for the most part are users from this very site. I suppose I enjoy hanging out with people from this place even in my time away from it. I'm in love with it that much, I suppose.

Q. What was the first Bungie title you fell in love with?

A. I jumped on the bandwagon with Halo: CE. I was young at the time, perhaps 8 or 9, and my cousin had an Xbox and the game. So he came over to my house and we spent the day playing on Easy, because we couldn't do anything harder. I remember the sense of awe that stuck with me to this day, though: the feeling that something's going to jump out and end me every time I come to a corner, the horror at the discovery of the Flood, the mystery of the story itself. That, more than anything else, is why I remain a theorist to this day. My goal is to find those mysteries.

Q. Spoilers!  (Are you surprised by your level of community involvement?)

A. Not really, no. I'm currently living in a semi-gutted house that we've had under renovation for some time now, and my existing entertainment basically consists of two TVs (only one with cable), the internet, books, and videogames. Videogames are great, and I've spent 137 hours on a single profile in Fallout 3 (impressive, right?), but that can't take up all of my time any more than reading Frank Herbert's Dune three times in a row can (oh yes, I've done that). The obvious answer? Internet. The obvious place? Bungie. It flexes my brain at the same time it gives me carpel tunnel. What more could a guy ask!

Q. Dunno.  Do you check out any other online communities on a regular basis?

A. No, I'm pretty much attached to Bungie.net at the hip. I've briefly tried out other such sites, but I keep bring drawn back to Bungie.net for a myriad of reasons, and I never seem to return to the other ones. I think it's really mainly because I've already got quite a bit of friends here, I'm aware of the site rules, and, to be quite frank, Bungie.net is ten times more organized (and better) than all those other guys, anyway.

Q. Wanna yell at some people and say what's up?

A. This is going to be quite long.

Before all else, I have an interesting fact to bring up: my hometown is getting a Mythic/Joe monopoly. Myself, jmh9072, and BerserkerBarrage are all from the same state, not to mention the same city, and are now all Occasional-Mythics (at the least) and Average Joes! Favoritism, urk? For shame!

Now that that's done:

First and foremost, I want to give a shout-out to my buddy jmh9072, fellow sometimes-Mythic member, fellow Ohioan, fellow Average Joe, and the very reason I'm being graced with this article today. It's all down to you, mate.

Right behind jmh, I want to give a shout to my best e-buddy burritosenior, who is the God-King of the Halo 3 Forum. PM him for me, guys, until he decides to give up trying to make me join Mythic Members.

Behind burrito I want to give shout-outs to the entire Community and Universe forum, along with my favorite private group, KOTOR (simply because the sheer magnitude of these shout-outs, they come before the rest of you guys, my apologies). To quote Bilbo Baggins like the massive Tolkein nerd I am, "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
Next up, Robby118, my Bungie.net stalker. I didn't forget you, you creepy ass. Along with Robby comes YahwehFreak4evr, who is another creepy stalker. And what the hell, I'll throw hamdog in there as well, even though he's not really a stalker. Oh, and Duardo. He's not really a stalker, either, but he tried to steal my docs.

Next group includes the best theorists still on this site, and very close acquaintances and friends of mine. I salute you: SpoonGuard, Wolverfrog, Agustus, opogjijijp, and MLG Cheehwawah.

My Xbox Live Buddies: Singularity7, REVERENC3, whatiplaylike/hamdog, Helveck, Iggyhopper, lolpokey, Omnicent, Pirated Bads, Tartan118 (<3), TheScriptKeeper, and x Lord Revan x.

My Bungie.net friends. Essentially, everyone I didn't mention elsewhere that happen to think I like them, just group yourselves here.

I'm tired.  Too many shout outs.  Need rest.  Discussion thread attached.

CommunitySpotlight 12/15/2009 10:32 AM PST permalink

The Elements of the Halo Periodic Table, Md-Z

Now I know my ABC's.

Hawty McBloggy has dropped the second half of Halcylon's Halo Periodic Table.  Get all science like and check it out.  It'll make you more smarter.  I'll link both halve so you can get the full picture.

The Elements of the Halo Periodic Table, Ac-Lu

The Elements of the Halo Periodic Table, Md-Z

CommunityHalo 12/15/2009 9:49 AM PST permalink

Halo: Reach VGA Interview

Marty and Curtis talk about the Reach debut and the upcoming beta.

If you already know everything there is to know about Halo: Reach, you won't know any more stuff after tuning into 1up's red carpet interview with Curtis Creamer and Marty O'Donnell.  Even so, you might want to tune in to learn what it's like to be Kings of Men destined to one day rule the world.  Link below.

Halo: Reach 12/15/2009 9:45 AM PST permalink

The Nobility of Teamwork

Tied the Leader talks Noble Team.

Looks like Tied the Leader is prepped for combat insertions.  If you want to hear their thoughts on the recent Halo: Reach premiere, head over to their site and check it out.

Tied the Leader - The Nobility of Teamwork

Community 12/15/2009 9:41 AM PST permalink

Honor Guard 'Halolympics' Ep: 5

Caranyx writes:

A roller coaster ride of fun.

Honor Guard needs a new course.  Too bad Rookie's busy snagging ODST achievements.  Don't worry though, looks like they got the job done anyway.  Check out the new digs and give it a spin if you have the skills.

"Welcome to the fifth installment of the Honor Guard Halolympics -  a deviously decadent display of dubious activities that will thrill and excite you like a new found adoration for alliteration. This installment focuses on your orientation consistency in which you will be making sharp turns leaps and falls all while under the gaze of a stop watch."

YouTube - Honor Guard "Halolympics" Ep. 5

Halo 3 12/15/2009 9:05 AM PST permalink

The Running Riot Podcast LIVE

emilio30 writes:

Number one of the "Top Tens."

While you wait for us to get our next podcast ready, why not make plans to add another to your schedule?

"Episode 23 of The Running Riot Podcast will be recorded LIVE on December 22nd at 9:30pm ET. Our guest will be Anoj from Top Ten Series. He will let us know if TRR is in the Top Ten best Haloverse talk shows. Come over to The Running Riot on the 22nd to tune into the live show and chat along with us!"

Community 12/15/2009 9:01 AM PST permalink

Tag and Release - Crater

Maximum impact.

It's Monday and that means more Firefight screenshots.  We're nearly through the full set of missions, but don't worry, we'll return to the regular run of Tag and Release once we've finished up.  For today:

Mission Select: Crater

Partly sunny with a chance of slipspace rupture.

Say hello to my little friend.

Prepare to drop and give me twenty.

Chin Up

If these four don't meet own personal par, you can take your own shot at selecting some choice screenshots from the pile.  The full run of our Community Files collection is at your disposal.  Dig in.

Halo 3: ODST 12/14/2009 12:22 PM PST permalink

'One Life Remaining' S1E7

"Looks like it's Budweiser Cheerios again."

DigitalPh33r drops the latest One Life Remaining.  As always, don't watch if you're easily offended.  Or if you don't like jokes.  Otherwise:

"Anthony wakes up early for an interview for a job at the local video game store, The Gamer Pit."

YouTube - One Life Remaining S1E7

Halo 3 12/14/2009 9:05 AM PST permalink

Mandlbaum in: 'Core Tempature' [Part 3]

It's dawn in Japan!

More Mandlbaum.  Adult language and a terrible Sean Connery Impression.  You've been warned.  You should also tune in.  Thanks to HBO for the heads up.

"Good thing I cleaned out my garage, because I found the next installment in Mandlbaum's greatest adventure ever!

Things are looking bleak for Mandlbaum as his enemies continue to mass their power. Evil plans are coming to fruition and new dark alliances are being made. With the clock counting down until earth's eminent destruction, Mandlbaum must race to find a way to storm the fortress walls, much less stop Evile Porfesure from blowing up the planet. Can he do it? Watch and find out!"

YouTube - Mandlbaum in: "Core Temperature" Part 3

Halo 3 12/14/2009 9:02 AM PST permalink

Halo: Reach World Premiere - YouTube Style

Why not watch it again?

In case your computer couldn't handle the High Definition format, we've prepped a nice, streaming YouTube version of the Halo: Reach World Premiere for you.  The quality isn't as good as the 720p direct downloads we have housed in the project page, but what it lacks in the ultra crisp details, it more than makes up for in accessibility and ease of use.  Plus, you can embed it and leave insanely absurd comments.

YouTube - Halo: Reach World Premiere HD

Halo: Reach 12/14/2009 8:49 AM PST permalink

Top Ten Halo 3 Screenshots

Star Light, Star Bright.

Ever wonder what's up there?  Ihearthalo3screenshots did and they've done something about it.  Check out the sweet batch of starry screenshots they found inside our vast and infinite collection.

Top Ten Halo 3 Screenshots: Star Light, Star Bright

Halo 3 12/14/2009 8:45 AM PST permalink

Grin + Bear It: RROD

Make a hole!

This made me laugh.  I am a child.  If you're still a bit childish, but aren't offended by adults only humor, check out this week's Grin + Bear It.

Grin + Bear It: RROD

Community 12/14/2009 8:44 AM PST permalink

The Man Behind The Music

Marty sounds off.

HBO noticed that Marty O'Donnell is in the spotlight on Inside Xbox today.  Fire up your Xbox 360 and have a listen.  Or else.

Breaking In 12/14/2009 8:41 AM PST permalink

Halo: Reach Fan Made Wallpaper

Jesulus writes:

Photoshop, some creativity, and some new-found inspiration.

If you're looking for a new wallpaper and the set we trickled out over the weekend doesn't suit you, here's a custom take you might like.

"Not much to say here, just a fan made banner from a pretty loyal subject, not looking for fame here...just thought I would make something for the community. Free to use. (Dimensions may not fit your screen.)

Get inspired; just one click away!"

800 x 600
1280 x 800

Halo: Reach 12/14/2009 8:41 AM PST permalink

Welcome to Reach

You picked a hell of a day to join up.

Read Full Top Story

Halo: Reach 12/12/2009 11:47 PM PST

Geoff Keighley Sets the Stage

A special message for the Seventh Column straight from the VGAs.

Setting the stage.

Halo: Reach 12/11/2009 8:27 PM PST permalink

Top 10 Kills of the Week - December 9

IGN continues their killing spree.

Looks like IGN have become quite the serial killers.  Week after week, the kills just keep on coming.  You should check them out.  (Thanks to HBO for the heads up.)

Halo 3 Top 10 Kills of the Week - December 9

Halo 3 12/11/2009 9:11 AM PST permalink

I’ll Take the Signed Halo: Reach Poster

Still doing some holiday shopping?

Check out 8-Bit Brigade's Child's Play Charity auction.  We mentioned it earlier, but we handed off some new stuff you might be interested.  So did Hawty McBloggy.  If you need to pick up some presents for the Halo fan in your life (and you want to help spread some much needed cheer), you should check this out.

I’ll Take the Signed Halo: Reach Poster Please

Community 12/11/2009 9:08 AM PST permalink

Christmas Splatter Montage

Stewie2552 writes:

Merry Christmas from Funny Halo 3 Productions.

You might think it's a bit early for the Holiday festivities.  That's what I thought when I walked down Bellevue Avenue last week and got greeting with a million flashing lights and an army of loud speakers bleating out Christmas cheer.  But it turns out we really are closing in on the holidays.  To help get you in the spirits, here's a splatter montage.

"You keep on splattering, we keep making them, Funny Halo 3 Productions presents splatter montage 6 to Trans-Siberian Orchestras "Christmas eve Sarajevo." Watch and enjoy."

YouTube - Christmas Splatter Montage

Halo 3 12/11/2009 9:08 AM PST permalink

CEU presents: 20 Questions with…

Willy87 writes:

...bs angel (aka Hawty McBloggy).

AKA, the lady who still has our t-shirt.  While we try to recover our merchandise, you should spend some time getting to know this online perpetrator.  Here's 20 Questions to help get you started (no stalking).

CEU presents: 20 Questions with…

Community 12/11/2009 9:01 AM PST permalink

Deconstructing Construct

Chris Carney and Tyson Green peel back Construct's layers.

Read Full Top Story

Inside BungieHalo 3 12/10/2009 4:12 PM PST

Halo: Reach Project Page

Laying the groundwork.

The Halo: Reach World Premiere is airborne and destined for the Spike TV Video Game Awards airing this Saturday night, 12/12. Since you’ve got some time to kill between then and now, we figured we’d deploy the updated and more official Halo: Reach project page so you can get familiar with the one stop shop for all things Reach-related.

Right now you’ll find mostly foundational elements, but don’t just fire and forget, there’s plenty of content coming in 2010. Stay tuned.

(Oh, and if it looks a bit strange, the online team tells me you might need to clear your browser's cache and give it a good old fashioned refreshin'.)

Halo: Reach 12/10/2009 11:58 AM PST permalink

Prepare to Drop Double EXP Weekend

No VISR mode, but expect Slayer, Objective, and headshots.

An “ODST Inspired” 4v4 Social Double EXP Weekend.

3-4 Players Per Team
Max Party Size: 8
Halo 3: Mythic Disk Required


  • ODST Slayer (86.7%) - Team Slayer, first team to 50 wins. Players start with SMGs and Magnums. Player traits: 150% Damage Resistance, Energy Shields disabled.
  • Asset Escort (13.3%, Skipped after veto) - Teams take turns escorting their VIP to as  many points as possible. Anti-VIP starts with Spike Rifles and Gravity Hammers, and have 150% gravity. VIP team starts with Battle Rifles and SMGs, and have 90% damage resistance, and wear black armor. The VIP starts with a plasma pistol no grenades, does 0% damage to opponents, has 90% damage resistance, 4x overshields, 50% shield recharge rate, 75% move speed, 75% gravity, full vehicle use, an enhanced motion tracker, a waypoint that can be seen by all, and is colored purple. VIP team members within 40 meters of the VIP get 2x overshields. The Sandtrap Escort variant is two rounds long, and only the VIP and the Anti VIP team can drive vehicles. The Rat's Nest variant is 4 rounds and everyone has full vehicle use.


  • ODST Construct (Construct)- Construct with the ODST weapon set
  • ODST Guardian (Guardian)
  • ODST Boundless (Snowbound)
  • ODST Pit Stop (The Pit)
  • ODST Blackout (Blackout) - Part of the Legendary Map Pack
  • ODST Ghost Town (Ghost Town) - Part of the Legendary Map Pack
  • ODST Assembly (Assembly)  - Part of the Mythic Map Pack
  • ODST Citadel (Citadel) - Available on Halo 3: Mythic
  • ODST Heretic (Heretic) - Available on Halo 3: Mythic
  • Desert Highway (Sandtrap) - Custom Sandtrap variant for Asset Escort
  • Rat's Road (Rat's Nest) - Custom Rat's Nest variant for Asset Escort

PlaylistsHalo 3 12/10/2009 11:00 AM PST permalink

Top 10 MLG Plays - Episode 11

bmcgann17007 writes:

Plenty of skill, commentary, and some pro players.

Top 10 MLG Plays returns with ten more top plays.  Yeah, they're from the MLG Playlist.  This should all be really obvious stuff, people.  Here's the description and the video.  Check it out.  (Sweet guitar shreddin' soundtrack, too.)

"Top 10 Gaming Group and B Mc Gann bring you yet another installment of the Top 10 MLG Plays! Enjoy 10 new plays with plenty of skill and commentary."

YouTube - Top 10 MLG Plays Episode 11

Halo 3 12/10/2009 10:52 AM PST permalink