The Halo Humpday Challenge
Attack on HBO: The Secret Humpday Challenge
Our good friends over at Halo.Bungie.Org, have good reason to trust us. After all, we’ve been cooperating closely over the years, answering their questions, helping them with their excellent Halo-themed website and hanging out with them, eating their Tacos and more, every E3. So our behavior last night was inexcusable. Unless there is a god who forgives jerks. Personally, I have faith.
To keep the veil of suspicion from descending on the gathered HBO oldies like a Cialis hangover, I was able to observe, but not participate in last night’s duplicitous antics. Shishka was in charge of our sneak attack on the unsuspecting fogies, who did not know they were even IN a Humpday challenge until this very moment.
There were a number of hurdles to this plan, but we vaulted them all with grace and ease. Firstly, there were way more of them. Secondly, to avoid revealing our plot, we had to compromise on teams and allow some of them on ours, and occasionally our guys on their team. Rest assured, when we played on their side, we played our best, didn’t betray and tried to even the score as much as possible given the level of deceit and treachery.
You’ll have to take our word for what honorable actions we do claim and we admit, we haven’t given you much reason to trust us, under the circumstances. And yes, Shishka was our ringleader.
The Bungie Hive of Scum and Villainy
Shishka - Lord British, Born Here, 1823
Kuniklo – Murderer most secret
New0001 – Joseph is our Leader
Phlegm Brulee – Something caught in YOUR throat
Billy77Bones – 77th Col'm.
Evil Otto - More oval than evil.
The HBO Home for the Terminally Bewildered
Louis Wu - The Queen of Pastrami
Deanero - Taco Swell
Mnemesis - Mgradius
Ziplocbodybag - Poppin Fresh
STR0KEDNOVA - Pet Star
Fjinn - Mostly Cartilage
CYBRFRK - I'd Like to Buy a Vowel Plz.
|GAME 1: Custom King
Lockout , No Shields
Game Duration: 15:11
General Tone of Game : Blam!
Aaah, Lockout. What better place to play a game featuring lots of grenades and no shields. It was a relatively normal weapon set, and the poor chimps at HBO actually filmed their beating for posterity. I would play you a snippet but it’s full of cursing, profanity and unreasonable whining.
As you can see from the stats, Bungie pretty much beat up on HBO, but one of the more baffling stats was the number of times Shishka betrayed team mates. It’s tough to avoid betrayals, thanks to the nature of King and the lack of shields, but Shishka really went above and beyond the call of duty on this one.
He probably helped the HBO guys more than they helped themselves.
Today was also the Humpday debut of our mysterious warrior, Kuniklo, but more on his antics later.
As you can see from the game viewer, the kills were frequent and concentrated in the usual places. Beneath and above the central platform, and anywhere with tight quarters, which on Lockout, means everywhere except the loooooong ramp.
Final Score: 5:40 to 3:45 - Bungie Wins
|GAME 2: Blast Resort
Beaver Creek , Elimination
Game Duration: 06:26
General Tone of Game : Contemptuous
Well, the tone of play was 100% explodey last night, as the second and final (there was no point giving them a “pride” third game, since they had no idea they were even being beaten) match took place in Beaver Creek, in a game type called Blast Resort. That’s basically single bomb assault,
The thing that makes this “Blast Resort” instead of just assault, is that it’s a one life elimination version. You die, you stay dead. There’s a number of strategies you can apply to this method, including strategic assassination. Instead of worrying about the bomb, you can simply pick off other team members until the coup de grace is uncontestable. Which of course sounds great in theory, if the other team isn’t expecting that.
They kind of weren’t. If you look at the game viewer, you’ll see that most of them were picked off at, or around their base, and relatively quickly – a consequence of Team Bungie rushing out to eliminate rather than hanging back on defense.
Last time we played HBO, they practiced, got to pick their own game types, had plenty of opportunity to practice, and were basically prepared. The only thing we prepared, was a trap. And they fell for it. Why? Because they ain’t bright. And did we mention they were terribly, terribly old.
Final Score: 3 flags to 2 - Bungie Wins. Barely.
Next Challenge: I imagine our elderly friends will require some sort of vengeance after this thorough, and surprise ownage. We will give them their chance. If they live that long. We will send them Depends and Viagra to help them through it.