Frank and Ske7ch are getting ready for visitors so they were unavailable for a quick skinny dip in this week’s bloodbath. Then, there was the whole “we turned off the beta” thing, which ejected our Live accounts (and yours) away from Betaliciousness and back to Eets! Chowdown, Pac-Man CE and whatever else the local toughs are playing these days. Joe Tung, Lars Bakken and I have been playing loads of Shadowrun; but we felt it might be too soon (by a week or so) to regale you with tales of what happens when someone buys Enhanced Vision instead of Smartlink in the third round of what would become an 11-round set. Why didn’t you buy Resurrect, Joe?
Enough Elves, Trolls and fantasies for now, this isn’t a Tolkien novel. Like I talked about a few weeks back, Joe Tung and I have been donating a pound of flesh a couple times a week to these Halo 3 testing robots, so this week, I decided to include the last three games from Wednesday night’s playtest as this week’s Humpday. Since these tests were internal and primarily top secret, there’s no statistical page for you to look over and discussing one of the maps would result in Harold Ryan hanging my entrails from the rafters. But for this map, it might be worth it.
Were the Humpday a fantasy novel, this is the equivalent of the excessively-detailed pages at the back explaining everyone and their allegiances:
- Joe Tung - OH MY GOD
- Mike T - Tomax
- Kari T - Xamot
- John H - MLG Teamkiller
- Cory G - Magicfingaz
- Charles S- SilentButDeadly
- Andrew B - MacGruber
- Luke Smith - Worst Player Ever
Multi-Flag CTF, Valhalla
Tone of Game: LOL
The game was shaping up to last as long as the Battle for Helm’s Deep, so in the middle of another futile run to a well-defended base, Lars Bakken declared that the first flag capture would win. Somewhere in between half of my team wondering “Who took the sniper rifle” and Joe Tung yelling “OH MY GOD,” I got in a Wraith.
During the Halo 3 Public Beta (goodnight, sweet prince) some folks deviously and nefariously found ways to use the Wraith, which we didn't include in the Delta's vehicle loadout. While I certainly didn't do such a thing (my Wraith-riding normally ends up in being unceremoniously Spartan Lasered like the citizens of Alderaan), I wasn't above using it on this evening. Especially on Valhalla, among these seven players who were world better than I am. In my head, using the Wraith seemed like a good idea.
Plasma-powered death rained from the heavens, splashing egos and destruction alike. Joe Tung, driving a warthog, crested a hill coming from Lake Base, only to be repelled by a wave of plasma. As Joe tried to board a fallen Banshee, a plasma blast from my Wraith blew the banshee into Joe, splattering him. Simultaneously, a Spartan Mancannon’d from Lake base, flag in hand. Nor Warthog, nor Mongoose, nor opposing Wraith would stop him on this day.
Final Score: 1-0
Team Slayer on NewMap001
Tone of Game: Hanging on the edge of a knife
Some folks have said “Sometimes, a game is so close, such a back and forth affair that the thrill comes in just participating.” People who think like that are idiots.
Distracted by a glorious skybox while vaulting across this secret level is my only real excuse in a match easily described as the single worst round of Halo 3 I have ever played. No matter which level of a given structure I was on, my death felt only seconds away. Whether it was Joe Tung’s needler, lil John’s errant, team-killing grenade accidentally killing me, or Kari sticking me – the entire round was one giant kerfuffle. But, with looking vistas and beauty in the backgrounds, at least there were things to look at while I was watching the respawn timer.
Yet, these are "team games" not Rumble Pit matches. So there was the matter of the other three players on my team, who overcame my pathetic performance, while climbing uphill against my avalanche of Suck to blow us forward in this see-saw battle. Climbing back from a 44-37 deficit into a kill-trading prize fight, ultimately someone who wasn’t me (thanks, Karma) died and we lost.
Final Score: 50-49
Team Slayer Shotty Snipers on Valhalla
Tone of Game: Beowulf
“That one counts, the one on Valhalla doesn’t.”
The immortal words of a desperate Joe Tung. Lobbying pointlessly for the first game to not count, Joe Tung and his merry band of pranksters picked Shotty Snipers on Valhalla to serve as the denouement of this Humpday threesome.
Over the course of the entire match, roughly four shotgun blasts were fired. The rest of the round was dedicated to the Long Rifle. The bad guys controlled the middle for the first half of the match, bobbing peeking out like turtles looking for danger. They’d rush and fall back, rebuffed by a maelstrom of sniper fire and desperate prayers.
Finally, the game Gods heard our call and we surged forward, getting all Gettysburg while charging the center hill. There was mancannoning, there was death and there was definitely foul language. But like Sysiphus pushing a rock endlessly uphill, they continued to hold. Down 37-31 the deficit grew.
“Where is your Wraith now?” They exclaimed.
Suddenly, it was 41-40, then 41-41 and we were leading. Magicfingaz and MacGruber were pulling us back. 44-41. 45-42. Up by five, 49-44, Joe Tung’s Spartan landed on the Mancannon, as he tried to duck behind a rock, his quest ended in vain. The vile-tongued demon slain. Victory was ours and mead was supped.Final Score: 50-44