EA Tiburon called us out. They were gonna bring the noise, the ruckuss and the funk into our house and kick us down the stairs. They threw down the gauntlet, delivered a glove slap and snapped on the lubricated rubber glove of probing insult. It was on.
OK, not really. What actually happened is some of the Tiburon team wanted to play a Humpday so they messaged Frankie and we set it up. But, something smelled fishy, something just seemed off about their challenge. Chicanery? Ringers?
It just wouldn’t be a Humpday without them.
The Bungie Benchwarmers
New0001 – Joe Tung, Fighter in Disguise
Eamon – Eamon McKenzie, Mr. Consistent, Mr. Overkill
Frankie – Still only playing one-handed
Abe Froman SK – Luke Timmins, taking a break from vacation
Thug Larz – Oh, Lars!
TJ Scoot – Scrub-filled cookie
EA Tiburon’s Tight End
CallsignJester – Andrew Walenga
Tickity – Kendall Boyd
Jorsneezy – Jorge Urban
CallsignIceman – Secret Ringer dude
Antwaan3000 – Anthony Stevenson
Biggest Aho – Jeff Aho
Game 1
Territories, Last Resort
Tone of Game: Zone Blitzing
“So, what do you guys want to play first?”
“Well, we know Lukems wants to play Slayer, so we’re going to choose Territories on Last Resort.”
We let EA pick first, and headed off to the beachside landing of Last Resort. When Lars came up to the water cooler this morning for some chat about the Humpday Challenge from the night last hence, he pointed out the tactical mistake in taking Territories on Last Resort. See, Eamon, Froman, Lars and New have all been playing Territories on Last Resort for the last year and a half, with sinewy strategies constricting like an Anaconda. There was suffocation, there was begging for mercy, but we were fresh out of mercy last night.
"This is for killing Joe Montana Sports Talk Football," said I, in an icy monotone.
Final Score: 9-3
Watch the Film (Film is slot 12)
Game 2
Team Slayer, Valhalla
Tone of Game: Cover 2 Flex, DE QB Spy
There are vehicles everywhere on the map. Wraiths, Banshees, Warthogs, Mongooses. Trouble and death awaits you at every turn, if you aren’t wearing Recon Helmet and there isn’t a Bungie logo next to your name in the pre-game lobby. Somewhere during this game, Eamon had an Overkill, the stats told me so, but I didn’t realize it in game, because Eamon didn’t announce it to the entire group in the style of Joe Tung.
Jester went back to our base and took our Sniper rifle and camped and tried to mount a comeback, but in the end, the EA Tib fellas were the ones with Spartan taint blotting out their setting sun of dashed hopes.
Final Score: 100-47
Watch the Film (look for it Bungie Favorites later today!)
Game 3
Neutral Bomb, Sandtrap
Tone of Game: Engage Eight
We talked about trying something on Guardian, but agreed it might be a little too compact and bijou for the 12-man roster we had tonight, so we figured we’d head over to Sandtrap for Game 3. I wanted to play Team Slayer, but I was experiencing a new Humpday emotion in the wake of our two massacres, guilt. See, this might be the first time since Halo 3 shipped that I’ve felt like we might have brought guns to a knife fight and there was a small part of me that felt bad.
I killed that part of me and we agreed to play Neutral Bomb on Sandtrap. At one point in the match someone on our team yelled, “Oh my God, they are going to score.” Which was the trap, we’d taken their Behemoth, moved it “into position.” And then we planted three times in succession. So much for emotion.
Final Score: 3-1
Watch the Film (Film is in slot 6)