The Bungie Winter Pentathlon is already underway, and this year we have great cause to celebrate, play, and to stuff our faces with nutritionally horrifying food and drink Sussman's sudsy homemade brew.
Not only is this Robt McLees' fifteenth year with Bungie (dear God), but it also marks the certified re-completion of Step 6 of our 7-Step World Domination Plan.
Bungie, LLC is no more. It's gone, defunct, bloodied, coup'd, and totally out of business. In place of our once small, but largely tyrannical group of oligarchs, an even bigger and more demanding group of dictators:
That's right, Bungie, LLC is now known as Bungie, Inc., a corporation owned and operated by its employees. The nuts, dear friends, are now running this here nuthouse. Hold onto your asses, now it gets really
Okay, not now now. Now we celebrate, and as today's ceremony and competition unfolds we'll keep you up to speed on the major developments and shenanigans that go down. You can follow along from this article, which we'll update periodically, squat on our Twitter
where we'll already posting some screenshots and trivia for cash and prizes (okay, there's no cash), or view the events via our webcams
which should be coming along shortly (the IT team is stupid busy, please bear with them).
Ready? Let the games begin!
(Suck it, other teams!)
Old Skool dominates preliminary seeding for Halo: Reach.
Capcom's Barrython prizes arrive. They are awesome (pics on Twitter).
Sckank claims the Newbies are crushing all comers in StarCraft II.
Old Skool eliminated from Corh Hole.
Cold steel, sweat, and jean shorts combine to form an unbreakable alloy worthy of pomp and circumstance. Breakfast for the early birds followed by Dave Dunn's spotlight rendition of Prince's "Let's Go Crazy." You gotta see it to believe it.
The Bungie Pentathlon is comprised of seven games testing strength, skill, and mind magic.
Texas Hold 'Em
Do you have any tens?
Each team fields four players, who are split and randomly assigned to one of four tables. After the first round concludes, one player will be chosen from each team to play for all the chips in the final showdown. Cheaters will be prosecuted in accordance with the ancient rituals.
"I don't think Luke Smith is even playing. He's doing nothing but talking -blam!-."
"He's the next villain in the God of Gamblers movies."
After preliminary rounds, Griz and Old are tied for the chip lead, with Middle School in last.
Newbies win! Grizzled takes second place. Kaiser declines to talk any smack.
Six players per squad square off in a double elimination tournament consisting of Slayer and Objective gametypes. Smack will be talked. Egos will be forever bruised.
Word is that Griz and Old School have picked up early wins. Caught up with Cable at lunch and he was looking mighty stressed. The competition is fierce.
Newbies take out Grizzled Ancients to take the loser's bracket.
Newbs lose to Old School in three games. Sadness ensues (but so does more points!).
Middle School wins. Old Skool takes second place.
“You should have picked Hot Potato!” - Timmins to Old School after winning a game of Stockpile
Sifferman - "Craziest thing in Reach that I saw: Travis (newbs) getting an Overkill with the Concussion Rifle."
Of mice, men, and military science fiction.
Newbies dominate to take top honors. Old School comes in 2nd, Griz 3rd, and Middle School dead last.
Double elimination illustration, Bungie style.
Newbies eliminated. Grizzled takes 3rd - fatigue from old age and the Lorraine being out sick are both identified as culprits.
Middle School wins. Old Skool takes 2nd place.
“Middle School cheats as bad as Ancients” -Christine after being defeated by Middle School
Each school fields four 2-man teams in a single elimination tournament where each round is worth more points than the last. The deeper you go into the corn hole, the more bigger the stakes.
Old Skool has been eliminated from contention. Dead last. Zero points awarded for effort.
Jevans has been benched by Chucky. He seems to be taking it "well."
Grizzled wins. Newbies take second.
“His corn hole skills are impressive” - Mark Uyeda after seeing Noseworthy’s “nothing but net.”
The Wolf takes teams of fast-thinking mathletes on a whirlwind adventure of the mind. Think Tron, but with better special effects.
The lights are blinking all over the studio. Saw Jason Jones lying on his back in the stairwell studying the pattern intently. Either there's something in the beer or Roger's tricks involve assuming control of all of the studio lights.
Word is the Newbs are once again putting on an intelligence clinic. No official scores have been reported.
Word is also that Cam is too drunk to play.
Grizzled are first to "launch", whatever that means (it means they get 5 points).
Newbs launch 2nd. Old Skool, then Middle School round out the live fire exercise.
Rock Band 3
This one is all spectacle. Inside our fog-filled theater, laser lights will dance while grown men and women strum and snare fake, plastic instruments and scores climb into the stratosphere. Style points will be awarded by a secret panel of celebrity judges.
Web cams are being worked on. Blurriness ensues. (Looks like they're actually working as advertised now.)
The Newbies rocked the house as "The HR Violations," scoring big and taking top honors. Grizzled took 2nd, Old Skool 3rd, and Middle School 4th.
After the show, secret guest judges Ed Fries, Jerry Holkins, Robert Khoo, and "Dancing" Matt Harding for not only showing up to judge the show for style, but for taking the stage after and rocking the house!
Fast and furious this afternoon, the Pentathlon is just wrapping up (see above) and I’ve had enough Root Beer to make this keyboard a bit dangerous. Forgive my brevity – I know it’s been a while (we hope you had a great holiday season), but it’s better for both of us if we ease back into this relationship. Baby steps.
As a token of my appreciation (actually, the online team’s), Service Record player models are now being updated. We have millions to get through, so there is some delay as the system works its wonderful magic, but we did prioritize the process to server Bungie.net users and the most active players first. If you’re still not seeing results, it’s because you haven’t been playing enough.
The team estimates it’ll be “about” two weeks before every last player is updated. After that, when you change your armor in game, you can expect to see the new look reflected in your Service Record within approximately 24-48 hours. No promises.
This week also marked the inaugural introduction of the “Community” Playlists, the first of which focuses on a selection of offerings you lovingly binned into the Slayer category. The good news is that nearly all of the maps included are being universally praised. The bad news is that the playlist itself isn’t long for this world. It ends on January 18th (but don’t worry, it’ll be back in a different, but still totally beloved form).
It should be noted that these aren’t necessarily the winning Forgetacular submissions, either. Rather, these are just the first salvo of community content in what should be an ongoing addition of short term playlists aimed at providing variety through an infusion of maps taken from the submissions at large.
So, relax. If you have better stuff in your File Share, hopefully you chose to submit it so we can evaluate it (and so your peers can rush to the forums to tell you that your efforts are relatable to human excrement and refuse).
For those seeking a totally different experience, sit tight. As we continue to shovel through submissions in other categories, we’ll prep playlists for some of those offerings and deploy them as quickly as we can.
Aside from the community playlists, we also deployed Arena FFA, made some general tweaks and adjustments to other aspects of our online game, and prepped the next round of Firefight changes, which will be deployed as soon as smoke testing clears.
Here’s the roughed in scheduled from resident playlist masseuse, Jeremiah:
Jan. 11th - Firefight Arcade
1 team of 4 takes on the crazy Firefight experience. Teams have unlimited lives as they play for 15 minutes.
Jan. 18th - Grifball (probably)
Jan 25th - Firefight Limited
- Fistfight: (Based on Rocketfight with weapon pickup enabled, Hammers and Sword starting weapons, added 200% Damage and Melee modifier, 2 each grenade count, Player Movement 120%, enable Grunt B-day, IWHBYD and Cowbell skulls, disabled dropship, 2X Overshields, Skirmisher Bonus Round, Loadout 5 is Hologram, 5 Second Respawn, added Heretics into Waves)
- Nadefight: (Based on Rocketfight with weapon pickup enabled, Grenade Launcher and Concussion Rifle starting weapons, added 150% Damage and Melee modifier, 4 each grenade count, enable Grunt B-Day, IWHBYD and Cowbell skulls, disabled dropship, 2X Overshields, Skirmisher Bonus Round, Added Evade for Armor Lock, and Hologram for Dropshield, 5 second respawn, add Heretics)
- Rocketfight (weapon pickup enabled, add: 150% Damage and Melee Modifier, 2 each grenade count, enable Grunt B-day, IWHBYD and Cowbell skulls, disable dropships, 2X Overshields, Grunt Bonus Round, Swapped out Armor Lock for Evade, Swapped out Drop Shield for Hologram, 5 second respawn, add Heretics)
- Sniperfight (weapon pickup enabled, add: 150% Damage and Melee Modifier, 2 each grenade count, enable Grunt B-day, IWHBYD and Cowbell skulls, disable dropships, 2X Overshields, Grunt Bonus Round, Added Sprint back in and Hologram, 5 second respawn, add Heretics)
- FRGFight (based on updated Rocketfight with Fuel Rod and Needler starts)
- Plasmafight (based on updated Rocketfight with Plasma Launcher and Needle Rifle starts, and 4x Plasma grenades)
- Classic Firefight, ala ODST, but for one set only.
All of these playlists will be available for a limited time only and any of the details above are subject to change.
Community Slayer ends on 1/18.
And that’s all you’re going to get out of me this week. Hopefully, you enjoyed the Pentathlon coverage and imagery as much as I enjoyed eating the Pentathlon snack foods and watching the Newbies crush the competition. See you next week.
Stosh wanted you to have this.
And this: YRMDR-GYJYH-K4C9J-QM729-QMJTZ