So last night some of the fighting faithful gathered for fisticuffs and flatulence (that is the true purpose of the 360’s mute switch). Bungie has a pretty serious fighting game core. One day, this will surely lead to a Bungie designed fighter. The most popular games at Bungie are probably Capcom arcade games. We have two at work. Right now in fact, there’s a Street Fighter Alpha 3 coin-op being badly manhandled every lunchtime.
Right now, Tom and Joe are working on getting a 360 fighting kiosk set up in the same spot – complete with Hori DOA fighting sticks (for great justice).
So when Team Ninja’s Mr. Itagaki sent us each a copy of the game, we nearly trashed Alta’s desk to get at them. Since then, there have been nightly matches. All we did was formalize it.
If you haven’t played DOA4, you really should. The combination of HD graphics and fast, fluid gameplay make it a cool mix of old school and hi-tech. Better yet, the legendary lobby system.
Now Halo’s lobby system is basically a countdown – a list of who’s playing, what the game mode and map are, and a ticking clock. Then, BAM! Game starts and everything goes nuts. DOA’s lobby is nuts to begin with. For one thing, you don’t even GET a lobby to begin with. You have to buy one from Zack’s (one of the game’s weirder fighters) store. Earning cash to buy more random stuff, including lobby avatars is one of the funnier aspects of the game.
Last night we had a cat, a fox, two Ninjas and a pretty pony standing, bowing, crying, somersaulting and laughing in the lobby. It’s completely insane, and best we can tell, there’s no real point to it, other than it’s funny.
Our games (after a bunch of tooling around) took the form of an elimination ladder (think Karate Kid) with Tom Doyle (art guru), Joe Tung (Multiplayer Guy), Colm Nelson (User Interface dude), Shishka (Lord British researcher) and myself. There was another guy playing, who doesn’t want to be identified. Let’s just call him “Jones” and leave it at that.
First match: Frankie (Christie) Vs. Joe (Ryu)
This was basically an even match, or at least not horribly outclassed. Joe wins the first round with relative ease, fighting in the soft pink whirl of cherry blossom time in Kyoto. Christie’s pointy hands were no match for Ryu’s elongated, spinning, nightmarish kicks.
The second round, pretty much the reverse. Frankie dominated Joe by changing the height of his attacks frequently, and putting Joe on the defensive. Frankie wins the round.
Both fighters cautious for the deciding bout, but in the end, Joe wins by a hair with what should have been a fairly predictable side kick. Oof! Frankie is out in the first match.
Second Match: Shishka (Nicole) Vs. “JONES” (Brad)
Shishka just got owned. It wasn’t even funny. Even Shishka admitted it in the end. It’s not that he did badly, it’s just that this “JONES” character totally outclassed him. The dude has a flying pony as an avatar, for goodness sake, that should have told us all we needed to know, as “JONES” drunken mastered Shishka all over the place at the beautiful Monkey temple.
Third Match: Tom (Ryu H.) Vs. Joe (R. Hayabusa)
Joe’s second match didn’t go as well as his first. Tom, a well-known fighting game addict, came on strong using Ryu’s traditional Ninja costume. Joe used the fabulous “Castro” edition but it was to no avail. Joe got Ninjowned.
Fourth Match: Colm Vs. “JONES”
Just to show that Nicole works as a character, “JONES” picked her to give Colm’s Christie (wearing her most revealing costume) a really nasty beating. It wasn’t a wash exactly, and Colm held his own thanks to his (her?) distracting outfit, which is more like a black band-aid than a suit of clothes, but really, over the spread, “JONES” was significantly better. In fact, he didn’t get beaten until Frankie button mashed Mariposa all over him.
Final Bout: Tom (Ryu) Vs. “JONES” (Brad Wong)
Tom thinks he’s all that, but he ain’t. “JONES” is the strong silent type, and he used his strength to silence Tom once and for all. POW! “JONES” used Brad Wong to pound the self-righteousness out of Doyle once and for all. Doyle did win a round, taking the second one by a slim margin, but the writing was on the wall. The final round ended in Tom taking a ferocious, drunken beating from “JONES” new go-to character, the inebriated Brad Wong.
So in the end, the clear winner (without even using a Hori stick like that cheat Doyle) was "JONES" - a man who shall forever be an enigma, wrapped in bubble packing.
If you don’t have a copy of DOA4 for your 360, then fear not, tomorrow, in association with our friends at Halo.Bungie.Org , we’re giving away seven copies in what should prove to be a fantastic art contest. Be sure to check back here tomorrow.
Fighter Bios:
Find out everything there is to know about last night's challengers.
| Frankie "I will crush twixt my 'normous breests!" |
| Fighting Style: |
Jerk Kune Do |
| Nationality: |
Scotlandish |
| Gender: |
Variable |
| Birthday: |
Columbus Day (for reals!) |
| Blood Type: |
78 proof. |
| Height/Weight: |
5’10” 165 pounds |
| Body Size: |
Awesome |
| Occupation: |
Content Monkey |
| Favorite Foods: |
Chinese Pie |
| Hobbies: |
Collecting Hitchhikers in Panel Van |
| Shishka "I live in a castle and it's totally awesome. Verily." |
| Fighting Style: |
Ninpo-Tai Jutsu |
| Nationality: |
Alaskan |
| Gender: |
Crying Game |
| Birthday: |
Oct. 29th |
| Blood Type: |
Mostly Peanut Butter. |
| Height/Weight: |
5’3” 240 pounds |
| Body Size: |
Generous |
| Occupation: |
Fry Chef |
| Favorite Foods: |
Chinese Latte |
| Hobbies: |
De-Leveling |
| Tom Doyle "It's pronounced Shoo-ree-ken." |
| Fighting Style: |
Pirate Style |
| Nationality: |
Camaro/Iroc |
| Gender: |
Hairy |
| Birthday: |
Meaningless |
| Blood Type: |
LOL |
| Height/Weight: |
5’1” 65 pounds |
| Body Size: |
Man Portable |
| Occupation: |
Crayon Spaz |
| Favorite Foods: |
Chinese Liquorice |
| Hobbies: |
Trick or Treating |
| Joe Tung "That counter is a four frame counter." |
| Fighting Style: |
BBQ-Do |
| Nationality: |
Mexican’t |
| Gender: |
Ladylike |
| Birthday: |
Two, like Queen. |
| Blood Type: |
Inscrutable |
| Height/Weight: |
5’15” 190 pounds |
| Body Size: |
Bendy |
| Occupation: |
Matchmaking Ruiner |
| Favorite Foods: |
Chinese Scotch Egg |
| Hobbies: |
Taking out pistol, Noobefaction |
| Colm Nelson "I blame the D-Pad. " |
| Fighting Style: |
WYSIWYG |
| Nationality: |
GuiStani |
| Gender: |
Male to Female SCSI |
| Birthday: |
2.0 |
| Blood Type: |
CBS Positive |
| Height/Weight: |
Nobody wants to say |
| Body Size: |
Disproportionate |
| Occupation: |
Press A to Start guy |
| Favorite Foods: |
Chinese Creamsicle |
| Hobbies: |
Pressing the forward button one time too many on TiVo. |
| “JONES” "I am a testament to your sinuses." |
| Fighting Style: |
Cheap |
| Nationality: |
Classified |
| Gender: |
Pretty Pony |
| Birthday: |
Classified |
| Blood Type: |
Classified |
| Height/Weight: |
Classified |
| Body Size: |
Classified |
| Occupation: |
Classified |
| Favorite Foods: |
Chinese Milquetoast |
| Hobbies: |
Classified |