What Kind of Halo Player Are You?
Posted by KPaul at 9/26/2006 2:36 PM PDT

In our travels through the various Halo communities, we have found that there are several types of Halo players. Here we list a bunch of them, in a nutshell.

The Dudeguy

Simultaneously the most common yet least conspicuous type of Halo player, the Dudeguy can be found online after a day at school and/or work winding down with a few matches on XBL. The Dudeguy typically logs on with one or more other Dudeguys, often forming a party, and plays largely in customs and unranked or low-level matchmaking. Sadly, the Dudeguy is preyed upon by the baddies of XBL. Fortunately for the Dudeguy, however, he has become proficient at muting and ignoring jerks.

Captain Coolguy

He’s only on the internet to take a break from all the hot babes waiting for him in his bedroom, as his thousands of hours in Halo 2 clearly illustrates. Not only is there a girl, who totally isn't his mom, audible in the background, but he has made it clear that he has %seasonalsport practice tomorrow morning so this is his last game of the night. Should you happen to catch him on a weekend night, he begins to slur his speech for he has packed in a full night of drinking and partying, yet has returned before 7pm. Be especially careful should you happen to run into a pair of Coolguys, they spin such a strong web of lies that they can convince each other the exact extent to which their beans are cooled. With their powers combined they form the pre-eminent force in jerkbaggery.

Ballus Non-Dropus

Hidden deep within the recesses of his parents’ basement, the Ballus Non-Dropus dwells miraculously out of earshot of his potentially allowance-revoking parents. He runs around screaming in an attempt to break the glass windows on Zanzibar. Last week, his parents took away his computer privileges because he wasn’t back in from killing ants immediately after the streetlights turned on. Now he works to make everyone feel his immense sorrow. Also... he wants his mother-blam!- chocolate milk. Truly, his is the life of the hard knocks.

The Angry Psycho

This Halo player typically gives him or herself away in the pregame lobby with a loud, idle threat directed at the first person that says anything. Said threat typically involves several profanities and often-times forcibly placing foreign objects into various orifices. The Angry Psycho’s affliction is present during the game but is most prevalent in the post-game screen when even more threats are dished out based on the material given to him during the game, typically by the troll-feeding Aggro.

The Aggro

The Aggro is similar to the Angry Psycho and oftentimes the line between the two is thin. The key difference is that the Aggro needs to be prompted into action by one of a number of different players but the Angry Psycho is the yin to the Psycho's yang. The Aggro can be cool in a game full of Dudeguys but take care not to provoke him, for not only could he totally take you on in a match of fisticuffs if he “saw you on the street ,” but he also knows this dude who works at Bungie who could totally ban your ass.

The Modder

Nothing screams self-confidence issues like cheating in a game on the internet for the sake of a meaningless number that you know is meaningless because you made it meaningless. Feeble and likely impotent, cheaters spend their weekends scouring the internet for leet nu chetz to unleash upon their next opponents. When it catches up to them soon thereafter, they fruitlessly send Bungie scathing emails threatening lawsuits, boycotts and poor wittle Ninja 0n Fire’s life, unless we remove their well-earned ban. When they’re done with Halo they move on to their next fix. Cheating in Halo 2 is like a gateway cheat, in that manner. It leads to harder mods that lead them deeper down the dark rabbit hole until finally they attempt to chetz the IRS and are never seen again.

Hosthax 'R' Us

This is the kind of person who is so l33t at networking that they can hit the standby button, or better yet they know how to view current connections! Back in the day they even, like, totally had this program on AOL 5.0 that could kick you from the internets. Not only are they thusly hax, but they can even hack into Microsoft and delete the feedback you leave them! Oh wait, no they can’t. After a short time they find themselves in the same position as The Modder: banned from Matchmaking and shocked that Bungie would do such a thing as attempt maintain the integrity of their product.

The Faux Pro

These guys are easily identified. Here’s a quick guide: the more X's, l's and/or 0's they have in their name, the more they suffer from the devastating and socially crippling disease of Faux Pro-ness. They develop this complex from many long nights of gaming with other Faux Pros who eventually rub off on them. As with the Coolguys, Faux Pros often travel in packs and can be seen trolling Team Training, Team Actionsack and other unranked play lists that they can get gross mismatches in. Another behavior indicative of Faux Pros is their tendency to use the term “n00b” and especially the phrase “n00b combo.”

Quiz Time!

Choose the response that best describes your typical actions. This is 100% scientific, I am a licensed phsyician and these results are conclusive. As you go along, keep a tally of your score by adding the numbers in the parentheses of the answer you choose.

What time do you typically log on?
   - 4pm (3) 
   - 7pm (1) 
   - 10pm (2) 
   - 12am (5) 
   - 2am (8)

You’re in the pregame lobby, you say:

   - “Sup -blam!-es?!?!” (4) 
   - “Raaaaaaaaaaaaaa--” (8) 
   - “How’s it goin’, fellas?” (1) 
   - Nothing. (5) 
   - “Quick, everyone hit Y to check out my rank!” (6)

You get in a Warthog and a gunner hops on, you:
   - Find the quickest route off the map. (3) 
   - Go to the middle of the map to get as many kills as possible… in an objective gametype. (8) 
   - Fly, fly away. (6) 
   - Quote Need for Speed . (2)
   - Park outside their base entrance and hit the magic button. (7)

You get stuck, you say:

   - “That was sweet.” (1) 
   - “That is so BS man I know you’re hackin and I’m gonna hunt you down.” (5)     
   - “OMG HOST” (6) 
   - “Haha my sis — er, girlfriend thinks that was cool.” (2)

You stick someone, you say:

   - “Oh snap, that’s goin in the montage!” (8) 
   - "That was nothing, you should see me when I’m sober” (2) 
   - “Oh man that was from on top of the map too!” (6) 
   - “Haha maybe if you were moving it’d be harder!” (7) 
   - “Oh dude I stuck you so hard in the –blam!-” (4)

You hate Waterworks, but it comes up in matchmaking, you:
   - Quit. (1) 
   - Quit, but not before killing a teammate or two. (3) 
   - Try to convince your team to stay by telling them that their pistols fire tank rounds. (6) 
   - Follow the one teammate that stays whispering to them your affection for their mom. (4) 
   - Kill the norb in front of you to get the banshee so you can fly off to grab the rockets and sniper. (8)

The game is over, you won. You say:
   - “Don’t bother; we’ll just delete the feedback anyways.” (7) 
   - “-blam!- you! You –blam!-ing –blam!-ers! I will shove my –blam!-ing- blam!- in your –blam!-” (4) 
   - You sing We are the Champions . (8) 
   - “Good game.” (1)
   - “They can take away my Xbox, but they’ll never take… MY STAAAAAATS!” (3)

You are banned from matchmaking for cheating, you:
   - Play split screen with yourself until the ban is up so that your parents don’t catch on. (3)
   - Email Bungie a poorly-written legal threat. (6) 
   - Swear vengeance upon Bungie but only get so far as sending Shishka hate-mail. (5) 
   - Set off to find another 2 month. (7) 
   - Try to PM Frankie because you’ve been telling everyone how tight you two are for so long that you’ve forgotten it’s all a sham. (2)

You get killed when someone blows the fusion cores by the sniper rifle on Lockout, you say:

   - “You n00b! That’s such a n00b thing to do. I’ll 1v1 you!” (8) 
   - “That is lame, man. I’m gonna go pop my collar and hang out at the nearest 7-eleven.” (2) 
   - “That’s such BS man I’m gonna ream you so hard.” (4) 
   - “lawl” (1) 
   - “ZOMG he just killed me without shooting me, you modding son of a -blam!-, throw down. I will punch you in the throat.” (5) 

Someone snags the rockets then gets in the banshee on Ascension, you:

   - Equate him or her to a female dog every time you’re within earshot. (8) 
   - Fire your pistol at him… he dies. (6) 
   - Wear it down with SMGs. (1) 
   - Wait until his banshee’s pointing down, when suddenly everything fades to blue... for them (7) 
   - Quote Top Gun  (2) 

Now, you should have added up all ten numbers as you went along. Divide that number by 10 and round to the nearest whole number. It should be 1-8, if it’s not, you fail at the maths. Compare your score to the key, the number you have is the gamer you are.

Here’s the key:

1. Dudeguy
2. Coolguy
3. Ballus Non-Dropus
4. The Angry Psycho
5. The Aggro
6. The Modder
7. Host Hax ‘R Us
8. The Faux Pro

While the quiz is functional, it is obviously in no way accurate and entirely for entertainment value. This whole thing is just for fun so don't flip out if it turns out that my quiz says you're a jerk. You may not be. But you probably are.

More Crimson: Steam Pirates Reviews 

Posted by urk at 9/16/2011 4:23 PM PDT

No moneyhats necessary.

If you're one of the few iPad owners who has yet to set sail on Harebrained-Schemes latest adventures with Crimson: Steam Pirates, here's a few more reasons to give it a go.


Tags: Game Guide


Bungie Mobile FAQ 

Posted by runningturtle at 6/14/2011 11:29 AM PDT

urk writes:

How dare you question us!

Confusion abounds, but we have the balm guaranteed to soothe your aching brains. If you’re perplexed about Bungie Mobile or that new boil on the back of your neck, scroll down to get it all sorted out.


Q: I got the update and it crashes on startup.

Synopsis: Some users have reported crashes during startup. Our investigations have found this to be an issue with the install process. 

Fix: If you experience a crash on startup try reinstalling the update via the iTunes App Store. If, after reinstalling, the app continues to crash please contact bma_sup@bungie.com for additional support.

Q. Can you help me create a Bungie.net profile and link it with my Xbox LIVE gamertag?

We can and we will.

  • A lot of the process is already covered on our existing Sign Up page. Click the hyperlink and follow the instructions if you don't have an existing Bungie.net profile, or your profile isn't linked to your gamertag.
  • If you do have an account, but it's linked to the wrong gamertag you'll have to start from scratch. Unfortunately, you can't swap gamertags on a Bungie.net profile. You have to make a new B.net log-in.
  • If you've forgotten your gamertag's password, you'll need to contact Xbox LIVE for support at 1-800-4-MY-XBOX. We can't do squat for you, man.

Q. What devices and operating systems are supported?

Supported Devices: iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad
Supported OS: iOS 4+

Q. I don’t have a compatible device. I’m just going to give my username and password to a complete stranger online. That’s cool, right?

No. That’s a terrible idea. Never give your security credentials to anyone for any reason. Even if they offer free candy.

Q. When will this be coming to Android, Blackberry, Sidekick, Palm Pilot, etc.?

We’re not ready to announce phase 2 features at this time. That said, we hear non-iPhone users loud and clear. Same goes for feature requests covering forums, more robust stat integration, and free puppies. We make no specific promises, but we will be updating the app in the future.

Keep the comments coming and hang tight.

UPDATE: Bungie Mobile for Android is live!

Q. Why is my Spartan model different on the app than in-game?

Give it some time! In some cases, it may take up to 72 hours for the app to sync up with Reach. In the extremely rare event that your model still hasn’t updated within that time frame, try playing another game or two.

Q. Wait. What’s a Bungie Mobile?

Oh, guess that would have been a great place to start. Click here.


Q. (After 1/4/2012) I receive a “connection error” when trying to use the app.

Unfortunately, there is an issue with all versions of Bungie Mobile on Android prior to build #119. Updating to the latest version of the app via the Android Market should correct the error.

Q. What devices and operating systems are supported?

Android phones running Android 2.1 and up. Push notifications require Android 2.2.

Q. Why can’t I enable push notifications?

Push notifications require you to be using Android 2.2 or higher, have a Google account associated with your device, and have the Google Marketplace app installed on your phone.

Q. It says my friend doesn’t have a Bungie.net account, but I know he does. Sup?

Users who choose to hide their gamertag in their Bungie.net profile settings will appear as not having a Bungie.net account when you view their gamertag via the apps friends list. This setting can be changed on the Profile page under Edit Profile -> Profile Info.

Q. How do I unblock a user who I have blocked?

In order to unblock a user, you must sign into the Bungie.net website from your computer. You can manage your blocked users from the profile page under Edit Profile -> Blocked Users

Q. When I try and sign in with my profile, I get an error.

Certain profiles on certain devices can have difficulty when signing in using the mobile version of the Windows LIVE ID site. When viewing the sign in page in (where you enter your email and password) click on the PC site link at the bottom of the page. From there you can enter your login information to sign into the app.

Q. I’m unable to launch the app via the widget.

The widget will recover after time, but you can also remove and re-add the widget, or sign out of the app and sign back in.

That’s it for now. If you already have the app, don’t forget to rate it and write up a glowing review. (Oh, and that's not a boil.)

Tags: FAQs and Info


Defiant Map Pack FAQ 

Posted by urk at 3/15/2011 9:23 AM PDT

It's official!

Defiant Map Pack FAQ

If you purchased the Defiant Map Pack from Xbox LIVE Marketplace and you haven't experienced a single, solitary problem, congratulations - you can comfortably count yourself among the majority. You don't need to read another word.

If you find yourself in the other camp, don't worry. We've been in direct communication with Microsoft and 343 Industries and they're committed to making sure all your Defiant Map Pack needs are met.

Here are the current technical support topics pertaining to the Defiant Map Pack.

Q. What is this “Defiant Map Pack” you speak of, and how can I get it?

A. The Defiant Map Pack is the latest pack of maps for Halo: Reach. Designed by Certain Affinity, in partnership with 343 Industries, it features two multiplayer maps, Highlands and Condemned, and one Firefight mission, Unearthed. You can get the Defiant Map Pack right now in the Marketplace for 800 Microsoft Points.

Q: Okay, I gave you my hard earned monies in exchange for one brand spankin' new Defiant Map Pack, but after successfully downloading and installing it, none of the maps show up in the game menu. What gives?

A: Turns out that there's currently a technical issue tied to the number of Marketplace Content items you can have active for Halo: Reach at any one given time (this does not include Saved Games, Screenshots, or Saved Films). Right now, you can only have a total of three content items simultaneously active. Items that fit the bill include pre-order bonus or retailer exclusive armor, map packs, or your Bungie Pro confirmation.

Microsoft is working on a long-term solution, but for now, you'll need to delete one of the three items you have active. Here's how you do it:

In your Xbox 360 Dashboard, sign into your profile, and navigate to the System Settings tile in the My Xbox list. From the settings pane, select Memory.

Select Hard Drive as the storage device.

Select Games.

Select Halo: Reach.

Select the Bungie Pro Confirmation Marketplace Content item.

Delete it.

Deleting the Bungie Pro confirmation item will not impact your Bungie Pro Membership in any way.

Q. I can play the two multiplayer maps, but the Firefight map "Unearthed" gives me the error "Players failed to load content" when I select it in the lobby. This makes me sad. Bungie, you can make me happy again, right?

A. Yes! Well, maybe. You might have installed the Defiant Map Pack to a memory unit on a console that also has a hard drive. That won’t work. You need to install the Defiant Map Pack to the hard drive only.

Q. Hey! I can’t render Defiant Map Pack videos on Bungie.net yet. You hate me, don’t you?

A. Hate is such a strong word. Bungie Pro Video Rendering requires us to write custom code to our internal systems. Like you, we’ve only just received the latest version of the Defiant Map Pack. Our programmers are coding like the wind to ensure video rendering is up and running as quickly as possible. If you do submit a file for rendering, or already have, don’t worry, we’ll queue it up and spit it out in 24-48 hours.

Non-Defiant Map Pack video rendering is unaffected.

That's it for now. We'll keep in touch with Microsoft and keep a watchful eye on the community in the days ahead to make sure we keep tabs on any key issues you might experience.

Message to All Full Party Boosters 

Posted by urk at 12/7/2010 11:24 AM PST

Boosting? Step inside.

Nick from our Test team wanted me to clarify some full party boosting parameters for you. Seems we might have made it sound like you don't have to worry about being caught in our net of online justice as long as you're behavior is contained to a party full of players. It's actually not that simple. Here's the full story:

OKAY: Full Party Boosting

Playing with a full group where nobody is idle and everyone is running around getting kills, headshots, sticks, and sweet rejections. Nobody is AFK.

NOT OKAY - Idle Boosting

Getting into a full or partial party with guests or other Gold accounts who are not manned in order to kill AFKs. Also not acceptable is having EVERYONE AFK to attempt to get Credits for time played.

Got it? Good. As always, more nefarious behavior such as network manipulation is right out. The Banhammer catches that kind of behavior in its sleep - and it is always cranky first thing in the morning. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Noble Map Pack FAQ 

Posted by urk at 12/1/2010 5:54 PM PST

A little light learning.

So, hopefully you're not completely confused about how to obtain and operate the Noble Map Pack, but if you do have a couple of questions concerning the ins and outs of how our three new maps work in the existing matchmaking environment, click the link to get up to speed.

Noble Map Pack FAQ


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